My time spent in Indonesia was truly a whirlwind. I met people from all walks of life and worked on an interesting project. I had some good laughs, I shed a few tears, and I am still working on uncovering what I learned and discovered about myself and the world around me. Over the past month, I have been working on trying to process my feelings and thoughts throughout the experience and what they mean for me moving forward. As I said in previous posts, due to the nature of our project, it was very difficult to get to know end users of Nazava in a more personal and intimate level. We were constantly on the move throughout Indonesia and meeting new faces every single day. Since we were on the move, it was hard to be able to know more about the communities being served by Nazava beyond the customer profile. Many of the typical highlights of an immersion experience which entail realizing people’s realities and being in solidarity with the poor were not necessarily part of our project as we did not have these sort of conversations with customers we met. However, I felt like I was able to gauge these aspects by examining subtle things around me.

I think one of the most difficult things for me was working with Papuan resellers and hearing them voice their difficulties in trying to sell to Indonesians from other parts of the island. I could not help but wonder if the Papuans felt that they had to try to overcompensate in order to get their message across and be productive in sales with other Indonesians due to the color of their skin because of prejudices others possess. As a women of color, I too have felt at different times of my life a need to overcompensate in order to prove that I am just as good as anyone else. I also thought a lot about the politics behind the situation in Papua and I felt very upset. The system of marginalization is very detrimental and you cannot help but feel defeated by it. Colonization has long lasting effects on communities and it is something that I notice every single place I have traveled to outside of the “western world”. Colonization, I feel sometimes, has hindered development for so many peoples around the world.

While abroad one privilege that I have been aware of for a very long time was also something I was once again made to think about during my time in Indonesia. This privilege would be having a U.S. passport and never having to think twice about being turned away at a border. The developing world really treats you with kindness when you wave your western passport in the air and I have seen this time and time again in my travels. Unfortunately, the feelings are not reciprocated to people from developing countries when the travel to the U.S. and elsewhere. I was able to travel around Southeast Asia without ever having to worry about requesting a visa before entering. The United States was a visa on arrival country to every place I travelled to. I talked with a few Indonesian people who talked about having their request to visit visas denied when trying to visit the U.S. This is something many of my own relatives from Somalia and the Middle East have also experienced. The ability to be able to move freely because of my nationality is something that I find so unfair. The fact that I can book a ticket to Indonesia and not have to worry about a visa until I get past security, while and Indonesian would not get to do the same if they were hoping to get to the U.S. with their passport, makes me upset. I wish that people understood how while we can plan spontaneous Southeast Asia trips, people in developing countries have such a difficult time traveling to the west. It hurt me so badly hearing from people saying they had relatives in the San Francisco and Seattle that they haven’t seen in years and that when they applied for visas were denied because it is something my own relatives have faced.

As far as vocation is concerned, I am still trying to grapple what I would like my dream job to look like. There is no doubt that I would ideally like to serve others and do more than just line my own pockets. However, reigning in what exactly I can do is difficult and the whole “I want to change the world” dream is too general and cliché. I know formally I am on the fence between pursuing a career in the financial services or the nonprofit realm in either a fundraising or administrative role. Being abroad made me realize that in order to change anything I need to change the world around me and start within myself. When I graduate this spring, I will be the first in my family to graduate from university. I know this is a step in the right direction in changing my own world and setting an example for my younger siblings. However, I know that this also comes with its own challenges. Being a first generation college student is often alienating and it is difficult to get career advice and support. In addition to that since I come from a lower middle class background, the pressure to work immediately after school is something that I cannot help but feel.

After going to the career fair a few days ago, I must admit I feel just that much more overwhelmed about the decisions I will need to make this year as I embark on my job search. I really hope to work somewhere in which I can have the opportunity to grow and be creative which a realization I made while in Indonesia was. It was hard at first not being behind a desk, doing the same thing over and over again. But after a while, the change was something I really did like about going to work every day. Each day was no like the last and I always being challenged in a new way. Being in Indonesia, it was refreshing to see how Lisa and Guido were so passionate about their job and their mission. I hope that I can find somewhere to work that gives me that sort of energy. During the reseller conference too, I loved how all the resellers immediately welcomed one another and collaborated with each other. The team environment is something I really value and I want to strengthen my own leadership skills so I can be a better team member and bring the best out of my own teams since it is inevitable no matter where I work that I will be working with others.