ONtrepreneur in training

This summer was impactful to me in both ways expected and unexpected. Going into it, I thought the fellowship would have a huge impact on me emotionally, as the work I anticipated doing would put me in direct contact with people in underserved communities that face a variety of intersectional adversities. This was largely true, but I also grew in other ways, developing soft skills, along with technical and interpersonal skills. Better yet, I became much more in tune with myself as a person, my future aspirations, and what service means to me.

Doing action research gave me a unique perspective on how I can best serve others. One big takeaway is that my gifts aren’t best utilized working with people in a capacity where I work directly with the emotional needs of underserved communities and build relationships is the best use of my talents. Seeing the way someone like PJ interacted with people, it often felt like it came more naturally to him than me.

PJ has an astounding ability to connect with people across a language barrier

This doesn’t mean that I can’t work at the ground level with the poor, but I also think it rules out some potential careers, such as being a teacher or working with communities that are dealing with a disastrous experience. Instead, I think I can best use my abilities to serve the poor by serving in a role where I analyze and collect data, or develop processes.

During the fellowship, I discovered that I am gifted at developing processes and making intuitive decisions on the spot. After our first field visit, it became apparent that we weren’t going to be able to utilize some of the data collection methods we’d prepared in a time efficient manner and would have to completely rebuild them. At first this was discouraging, as we’d worked hard on the methods section of our research proposal and it was disheartening to throw a large chunk of it out the door. On the next field visit, I began developing new processes as we spoke to the engineer on the walk out to the site. I kept implementing these steps and noticed data improved. I was also getting through the important details faster.

I nearly filled my notebook collecting data and writing interview questions.

Improving this data also helped with interviews by asking better questions because we were able to understand what might be unique about a certain location and discover better narratives to ask end-beneficiaries about. This required us to consolidate data and think critically about its meaning in a timely manner. Discovering such skills will be a major asset to me as I begin to make decisions about what to do vocationally.

One thing that I’ve come to appreciate from this fellowship is the importance of finding a job that will help me develop a skills that can make me an asset in creating social impact in the long-term. Coming back from India, I was very gung-ho about being directly in-touch with the social enterprise and impact capital sectors regardless of the capacity, but after seeing professionals at the GSBI accelerator and talking to former GSBFs, I’ve had second thoughts. Seeing the amount of technical skill and high level thought GSBI mentors provided to social entrepreneurs showed me the type of thinking and hard business skills that it takes to provide quality feedback to these organizations. Talking to Ashley Armstrong further helped me to understand this dichotomy, as she discussed the idea of developing wide skillsets before going into more specific sectors that might appear riskier to other businesses. It was especially important for me to hear this from someone like Ashley, who has done a lot of work in industries I’m interested in. This isn’t to say that I’m opposed to working for an SE or impact investing firm. The job would just have to be in a capacity that allows me to pursue my interest in economic data analysis. Ideally, this work would be related to some of my key learnings from the fellowship.

My biggest takeaway from this fellowship on a global perspective is the need for a sense of urgency when it comes to serving the global poor. Often times, there is a sense of caution when it comes to developing policies and programs to serve them, but oftentimes these people don’t have time to wait. This is especially true when it comes to climate change, which was already causing severe problems and uncertainty in some of the communities we worked in. One of the most impactful field visits we had was a in a community that had just received a solar irrigation pump. We learned that prior to receiving this pump, droughts in the preceding years had kept them from growing rain-dependent crops like paddy. This story, along with many others, touched me and taught me a lot about what is important to me.

These farmers were already feeling the negative impact of climate change!

Aside from learning from constituents, I think it’s important to talk about how much I learned from our team of fellows. Working with Nate and Erika taught me so much about interpersonal communication, trying to understand the viewpoint of others, and also considering the emotional impact my actions have on others. Nate and Erika also helped me to discern my own skills by observing their gifts, whether it was Nate’s willingness to look out for the needs of others or Erika’s ability to communicate a complex thought in a tightly worded sentence. These relationships, along with what i saw in the field, helped me to reflect upon my view of self.

I learned many a ton from the people I worked with this summer. Especially the group we worked with in Odisha, picture here!

There was plenty of silence on this fellowship for me to fill with my own thoughts. Time away from 3g on multi-day visits to the field proved to be a godsend, as I was frequently forced to face myself and discern what was important to me. I spent much time thinking about my shortcomings and what actions to take to be a better team member. While I was far from perfect, I think that this time with my own thoughts proved crucial to my contributions to our work and relationships. Aside from this negativity, I engaged with thoughts I had about the communities we worked with, sights we passed by in the car, and the world at large. Confronting these issues made me think about my own life, beliefs, and what actions I can take vocationally to live a meaningful life. Ultimately, I learned to accept my shortcomings, embrace my beliefs, and also deal with uncertainty on a larger scale. This reflection has ultimately led to a newfound self-confidence and awareness that I previously lacked. While I don’t know where I’m headed next, I know where I stand in the long run. And in that, I find comfort.

I spent many hours this summer looking out at landscapes like this one.

It’s hard to get my mind around the fact that I was in India two months ago. It feels like a distant dream, a past life that I sometimes sit and wonder if I’ve lived before. My reality was so different then compared to now  – in too many ways to list . My experiences in India shaped the lens in which I see myself, my community, and the world at large. Often, images and moments come back to me and linger, forcing internal conflict and discernment. Here are three that have challenged me the most.

Facing Poverty

We’d just reached the kiosk to receive our passport photos. Drenched in sweat, we approached the stairs as the owner stood in the doorway. Erika, leading the way, stepped up to him and asked if we could take passport photos there. I stood behind, staring at the eight lanes of mayhem going on in the intersection we’d just crossed. Suddenly, a hunched figure in a green and yellow sari approached me.

She stared at me intently for a moment with her hand out. I stared back, examining her face. Her eyes were dark and sunken slightly back into her face. Her dry skin sagged, aged from years of spending days in the sun. Her sari and jewelry were beautiful in spite of her obvious poverty, something that would become a familiar sight to me as I became more acclimated to my surroundings.

As she continued to fix her gaze upon me, she motioned deliberately and fluidly at me. She put her fingers to her mouth, requesting I give her money so she could have something to eat. I froze. Regaining my composure, I waved my hand at her to signal I could not give her money. First of all, the money I had wasn’t even mine to give and secondly I figured if I was going to be in India for eight weeks, I couldn’t give money to every person I encountered who asked. But she persisted.

The fact that she asked again wasn’t what caught me off-guard. It was how she asked. Rather than to place herself in a position of pity, she motioned at me again, this time more matter of factly. Her body language seemed to say, “I’m not stupid. You have some money to spare.” Jarred, I looked at her as she motioned again. Coming to the realization that she was internalizing this experience just as much as me put me in a weird position. It’s hard enough to feel greedy without having to internalize that someone in desperate need is thinking the same thing. Feeling slimy, I turned away and headed up the stairs.

A Picture is Worth _________

One thing that really struck me at the first village we went to was how much some people wanted to be on camera. On the drive out, I’d gone through the scenario of how we were going to get people to agree to let us take pictures of them or film their everyday lives. Putting myself in their shoes, I thought it was going to take some serious persuasion. Having traveled in Asia before, I’d already experienced what it’s like to have strangers disturb me and ask for photos. I wasn’t a fan. While I was excited to get to work after months of preparation, part of me was dreading our arrival because I felt like an intruder. When we finally arrived and stepped out of the car – it was to the only scenario I hadn’t been preparing for – the best case one.

Every single farmer using the irrigation pump wanted to be interviewed and was willing to wait in line to do so. At first, I chalked this up to the fact that they were curious about our team. We were likely the only foreigners or white people they had ever met in their lives, and this bestowed a certain status upon us in their eyes. While this was undoubtedly a large chunk of why they were willing to devote so much time to helping us out, it quickly became apparent that they had other motives as well. Many of them had not had pictures taken of them before, at least not on a high quality camera. 

Men from the first village we visited pose for a photo

The value of this became especially apparent when they gave us a tour of the village later on. People came out in droves to show us their homes, as well as various aspects of their community like the school and fabric workshop. They asked for pictures. Some wanted them with us, especially Erika, but more than anything of themselves.

Erika with women in Odisha

Seeing the smiles and laughs women shared with one another when Erika would show them the pictures she took of them was truly spectacular. This was particularly true of women with their children, as they glowed with happiness at the opportunity to see themselves with their family.

Children gather around Erika to see a picture she took of them

This realization hit me hard. I’ve never really liked to take pictures. It’s just something I’ve taken for granted. Seeing these ecstatic reactions made me think a lot about the way I’ve thought about pictures. Recently, I’ve associated them a lot with vanity and the social media age. And that line of thinking has definitely taken away from the value technology like cameras can provide in our lives. Not taking pictures is something something I regret looking back on my high school and college years. I’ve missed out on the chance to capture loved ones and amazing trips I’ve been fortunate enough to experience, among other things. I’d let the way other people and society use pictures cheapen the internal value that the privilege of being able to document beloved memories can have. Looking back on the pictures we took during our time in India fills me with joy. I wish I could share them with the people they would mean the most to.

Priorities Jumbled

Going into our week in Odisha, PJ was an unknown. I was actually concerned about having him with us. Erika, Nate, and I had developed an outstanding working chemistry and I didn’t want an added unknown during what felt like our most important week in India. Piyush and Shweta had just informed us that they expected us to capture how microgrids and microfinance opportunities were impacting communities in only a few days in the field. Compounding this was the fact that Erika got an ear infection the day before we left. She would be unable do much work because her hearing was impaired. This left me feeling a sense of desperation heading into the week.

Work definitely had a different feel for me in Odisha. Usually, I looked forward to having an opportunity to take a breather during a work day and try to get to know someone across the language barrier. But in Odisha, I felt compelled to try to squeeze out every last detail while I was there. PJ on the other hand, had a different approach. He would often steal off for up to an hour at a time to interact with locals, playing with children, or showing some of the men pictures of his travels in other countries. I didn’t pay much attention to this for the most part because of the stress I was feeling with the added workload Erika’s sickness hoisted upon me.

Then one day, PJ disappeared when it was his turn to do an interview. I looked around desperately as Nate and Erika set up the camera, but he didn’t seem to be anywhere. Shaking my head, I left the shaded area that the entire village had crowded around in anticipation of the interview. Peering under straw roofs as I walked through the village, I felt my anger grow. While I understood that PJ was an outsider who didn’t necessarily feel the same pressures as the rest of the team, I thought he was at least serious enough to show up when it was his turn to do an interview. As I neared the end of the aisle of huts, I was prepared to give up. Then I saw him.

The village in Odisha I scoured looking for PJ

PJ stood there pumping the village well, as a man in a single wrapped garment cupped his hands underneath and brought water to his face. His body was glistening wet, as though he had just washed his body. PJ pumped several more times as the man put his feet underneath. After the man finished up, PJ rushed over to me, apologizing for being late to go interview.

“I’m sorry, so sorry,” he proclaimed. “I just saw the man trying to wash himself. He was pumping the water onto the ground and laying in it. He can’t get clean like that, laying in dirty water. It’s just very sad.” Startled, I stuttered, “it’s, it’s okay,” Feeling my face flush with shame from the frustration I’d felt just moments earlier. “He just has the one cloth you know,” continued PJ, “I just feel very bad.” I felt a newfound admiration for PJ. While I’d been so caught up in trying to serve ONergy and the Miller Center, I’d forgotten the core part of the fellowship – working in service of the poor.

PJ finally completes the interview

Instilling values

I was very fortunate in more ways than one growing up. Both my parents always made plenty of time for me and went out of their way to ensure that my childhood was both enjoyable and impactful. Not only do I have a multitude of fond memories from growing up, but more importantly I feel I left their household with both a strong sense of ethics and duty. While they both obviously impacted me in more ways than I could possibly put down in a blog, I will try to briefly describe the shared experiences I have with them that have led me to this fellowship.

Discipline and Duty from Dad

Getting coached by my dad taught me the value of unselfish effort.

From a very early age, I wanted to be just like my dad. One of the clearest things I can remember from my childhood is the sense of pure joy when I would go outside and shoot hoops with him from an early age. Basketball was our most cherished shared activity. As I grew older, our relationship would bloom from father-son to the more complex relationship of father/coach-son/player. Though there were undoubtedly times that this made us want to kill each other, I know my dad always had my best interests in mind. In fact, I think having him as a coach shaped two huge parts of my personality due to the way things he taught me about the game could be applied to my life. 

The first lesson was to never sell myself short effort-wise. For me, there is no worse feeling than walking off the court (or away from a test, or leaving the library) and feeling like I didn’t give everything I have. One thing I remember that used to particularly bother me – and my dad would get on me about after practices – would be the rare occasions that I would lose sprints in line drills. We both knew that I was always the fastest on the team and to lose meant to have failed myself. The only thing worse than this would have been to fail my team.

The second takeaway from getting coached by my dad was to never be selfish. My father drilled it into me that the most important thing was to make sure the team succeeded from an early age. Doing the little things like diving on the ground for a loose ball or making sure to play good defense would always matter more in his eyes than scoring a lot of points. This philosophy has carried over into the rest of my life, where have I always cared more for communal and group success than personal glory. 

Nature and Nurture from Mom

My mom gifted me my love for nature.

While my dad gave me lessons on the court, my mom developed my relationship with nature. Some of my earliest memories come from spending time in the forest or at the beach with my mom. During summers, she would insist that we turn our cable so that I would spend time outside, developing my imagination, along with a deep spiritual connection to the natural world. To this day, being in the water is where I feel spiritually at home, whether I’m kayaking or swimming. This isn’t the only way my mom helped me develop spiritually. I also believe she gave me my deep sense of compassion.

My mother ensured that I was raised to value the feelings of others. She enrolled me in an alternative pre-school, which emphasized developing both emotional intelligence and a relationship with nature more than a traditional education might have. She taught me to detest violence, even banning me from pointing my finger like a gun in the house. In order to preserve my innocence, she never allowed me to watch the news when I was young because she didn’t want my mind poisoned by all the inexplicable evils the world has to offer, which today’s media seems to have such a fondness for focusing on.

From Values to Vocation

I began studying economics with a push from a mentor in high school. Growing up, I had always been very politically inclined due to the values I mentioned in previous paragraphs. I wanted to save the world, but the more I studied politics, the more I felt as though the system was rigged. It seemed like no matter who “won” an election, the common people always lost and grew apart. As I became more aware of the greed and corruption in the American political system, I became disillusioned, wondering if the things I had learned about the ideals of America had become too polluted to save or even if they had been there to begin with. I began to realize this at the worst time, as college was approaching and applications constantly asked me for stories about my “calling” or at least made me fill out a box to state my desired major. Luckily, my senior english teacher, Mr. Hill threw me an olive branch.

Towards the end of my senior year the entire english class seemed to revolve around how the economic system was rigged. Money seemed to be getting sucked upwards at an alarming rate. I took an interest in the coursework in a way I never had before, and the next thing I knew, I was considering becoming an economist. So, I packed my things up and went to the SCU with grand dreams of saving the American Dream and middle class. I had no idea how I was going to do it, but it felt nice to have a purpose again.

I stayed on this path my freshman and sophomore year at SCU, but my experience with Global Fellows the past summer changed that for me. I was lucky enough to intern at the Indonesian Institute for Energy Economics in Jakarta, Indonesia as my summer job and had my eyes opened in a number of ways by the experience. Firstly, I fell in love with the culture. Indonesians have a reputation of being both humble and hospitable and they did not disappoint. It felt like everybody on the street wanted to say hello to me and people I got to know personally made it their responsibility that I felt comfortable in their country. This was without a doubt the most humbling experience of my life and enlightened me to how enriching experiences learning from other cultures are. While this was impactful, perhaps even more life-changing was the fact that my time in Indonesia made me face crippling poverty and pollution for the first time.

Unlike when I had seen images of poverty in the developing world on television or the internet in the past, there was no looking away.  I was forced to question both myself and the systems I participate in passively on a daily basis that contribute global suffering.  And once I looked long enough, I knew I couldn’t turn away again. This experience put the Global Social Benefit Fellowship in the back of my mind going forward. My study abroad experience in Argentina would only cement that I had to participate in this fellowship.

My Indonesian coworkers welcomed me with open arms.

Traveling to Argentina catalyzed personal growth for me, along with frustrating me to no end. On one hand, it pushed my out of my comfort zone in ways Indonesia couldn’t. I blossomed in Argentina, overcoming many of my fears and anxiety whilst becoming more adventurous.

I faced many of my fears whilst abroad, even conquering my lifelong fear of heights!

Being able to speak the language and interact with Argentines and their culture allowed me to gain perspective in ways that I couldn’t in Indonesia due to the language barrier. My time in Argentina especially made me question the American culture of living fast and focusing on consumerism. Argentines seemed to be more in touch with their feelings and more oriented towards a high quality of life than how productive they could be economically when compared to Americans. Still, there were some things that seemed backwards to me. People seemed to see rampant poverty as a fact of life rather than a problem to be solved in spite of the country’s abundance of resources. While some of this could be chalked up to political apathy, it was still hard to stomach.

These experiences abroad shaped where I’m going vocationally. The values my mom and dad instilled in me from an early age make it impossible to stay on the sidelines and watch the global issues I’ve observed worsen. If I am not part of the solution, I am part of the problem- whether it is the suffering of the poor or the damage we are doing to our planet. I have high hopes that this fellowship will continue to steer me in this direction, as well as developing my understanding of how I can assist in alleviating such complex problems.