{"id":984,"date":"2014-03-25T19:47:30","date_gmt":"2014-03-25T19:47:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blogs.scu.edu\/writeherewritenow\/?p=984"},"modified":"2014-03-25T19:47:30","modified_gmt":"2014-03-25T19:47:30","slug":"compassion-and-self-compassion","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.scu.edu\/writeherewritenow\/2014\/03\/25\/compassion-and-self-compassion\/","title":{"rendered":"Compassion and Self Compassion"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cTo follow the Tao,
\nTranscend ego.
\nThrough loving compassion
\nAnd find yourself
\nIn a higher sense.\u201d
\nTao Te Ching, <\/i>7<\/p>\n

\"lotus\"<\/a>The wisdom traditions of Taoism and Buddhism teach the lesson of Oneness. Thus, compassion includes self-compassion. The more we can embrace our own feelings with kindness and acceptance, the more we can feel compassion for those around us. In fact, we cannot feel compassion for others without feeling compassion for ourselves.<\/p>\n

Too many people forget this. Most of us are kinder to the people around us than we are to ourselves. We\u2019re supportive to our friends when they make a mistake but harsh and critical to ourselves when we\u2019re in the same situation. Psychologist Paul Gilbert has found that when we engage in self-criticism, our brains perceive it as an attack, triggering the stress reaction (Gilbert, 2009).<\/p>\n

We treat ourselves this way because we\u2019ve internalized the critical voices of our parents and teachers, or grown up blaming ourselves for dysfunctional family patterns. We develop a deep sense of unworthiness, attacking ourselves with harsh self-criticism when we\u2019re down, increasing our suffering, locking ourselves up in the prison of ego.<\/p>\n

We can transcend this unhealthy pattern by practicing self-compassion, expanding our sense of oneness, \u00a0our capacity to care for ourselves and others.<\/p>\n

The next time you\u2019re feeling down, shift into self-compassion with these three steps:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Mindfulness.<\/span> \u00a0Stop and ask yourself, \u201cWhat is this?\u201d \u201cWhat am I feeling?\u201d Name your feelings to yourself\u2014\u201cI feel sad, scared, hurt, angry, confused.\u201d<\/li>\n
  2. Common humanity.<\/span> \u00a0As the Buddha taught, suffering is common to all humanity. Tell yourself, \u201cIt\u2019s OK. It is human to feel and come to terms with the complexities of our humanity. No one\u2019s perfect. Everyone makes mistakes.\u201d<\/li>\n
  3. Kindness to yourself. <\/span>\u00a0Actively soothe yourself with kind words, giving yourself a hug by crossing your arms over your chest, squeezing your upper arms, and saying, \u201cPoor dear, you\u2019re really hurting right now\u201d (Neff, 2011).<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    You can develop your capacity for both compassion and self-compassion with this loving-kindness meditation.<\/p>\n