{"id":353,"date":"2011-10-30T23:02:12","date_gmt":"2011-10-30T23:02:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blogs.scu.edu\/writeherewritenow\/?p=353"},"modified":"2011-10-30T23:02:12","modified_gmt":"2011-10-30T23:02:12","slug":"the-power-of-self-compassion","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.scu.edu\/writeherewritenow\/2011\/10\/30\/the-power-of-self-compassion\/","title":{"rendered":"The power of self-compassion"},"content":{"rendered":"

Do you have a nagging inner voice that says you\u2019re \u201cnot good enough,\u201d lashing out critically whenever you make a mistake? If so, you\u2019re not alone. As creative artists, we have the gift of shining ideals\u2014but this gift often has a shadow side: whenever we fall short of our goals, we can sabotage ourselves with harsh self-criticism.<\/p>\n

Most of us are kinder to the people around us than we are to ourselves. We give our friends kindness and support when they make a mistake but often blame ourselves when we\u2019re in the same situation.<\/p>\n

We treat ourselves this way because we\u2019ve been sabotaged by competitive consumer values, internalized the critical voices of our parents, or grown up blaming ourselves for family patterns of alcoholism, neglect, or abuse. Haunted by a deep sense of unworthiness, we develop a pattern of harsh self-criticism that assaults us when we\u2019re down, increasing our suffering and blocking our path to higher creativity.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>University of Texas psychologist Kristin Neff, Ph.D., has found that we can stop this painful pattern with the power of self-compassion, a lesson drawn from thousands of years of Buddhist practice. As she explains in her new book, Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind, <\/em>this means to \u201caccept ourselves with an open heart, to treat ourselves with the same kindness, caring, and compassion we would show to a good friend.\u201d\u00a0 Neff, the leading researcher in the field, has inspired over a thousand scientific studies that show how self-compassion helps overcome anxiety and depression and leads to better psychological and physical health, including emotional intelligence, happiness, wisdom, curiosity, optimism, autonomy, competence, social connections, life satisfaction, resilience, initiative, and the ability to learn, grow, and overcome challenges\u2014qualities that nurture our creativity.<\/p>\n

Self-compassion involves three steps.<\/p>\n

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  1. Mindfulness.<\/span> \u00a0The next time you\u2019re feeling down, instead of blowing things out of proportion, ask yourself, \u201cWhat is this?\u201d \u201cWhat am I feeling?\u201d Name your feelings to yourself\u2014\u201cI feel sad, scared, hurt, angry, confused.\u201d<\/li>\n
  2. Common humanity.<\/span> \u00a0As the Buddha taught, suffering is common to all humanity. Tell yourself, \u201cIt\u2019s OK. No one\u2019s perfect. Everyone makes mistakes.\u201d<\/li>\n
  3. Kindness to yourself. <\/span>\u00a0Then actively soothe yourself with kind words, even giving yourself a hug, as Neff suggests in her book, by crossing your arms over your chest and squeezing your upper arms, saying, \u201cPoor dear, you\u2019re really hurting right now.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    You can build self-compassion with this loving-kindness meditation.<\/p>\n