{"id":1235,"date":"2016-01-22T19:04:31","date_gmt":"2016-01-22T19:04:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blogs.scu.edu\/writeherewritenow\/?p=1235"},"modified":"2016-01-22T19:04:31","modified_gmt":"2016-01-22T19:04:31","slug":"the-language-of-peace","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.scu.edu\/writeherewritenow\/2016\/01\/22\/the-language-of-peace\/","title":{"rendered":"The Language of Peace"},"content":{"rendered":"

You were hoping to have dinner with your partner tonight. You both have been working late the last three nights in a row and have not had quality time over a meal.\u00a0Your partner comes home late again tonight, and you say to them, \u201cI feel neglected.\u201d<\/p>\n

Your partner responds defensively: \u201cI have not neglected you. You know I have been very busy at work.\u201d From here, the conversation may escalate into more violent words such as \u201cyou don\u2019t know how to love me\u201d or \u201cyou never supported my career,\u201d etc.\u00a0Now, rewind to the beginning of the conversation. Imagine this playing out instead:<\/p>\n

You say: \u201cI\u2019m frustrated because we have not have dinner together the past three nights, nor tonight, and now I\u2019m sad because I miss the quality time we usually have during dinner like asking about each other\u2019s day or talking about a fun topic.\u201d\u00a0Your partner responds: \u201cI miss the quality time we have during dinner too. I know we have missed having dinner with each other over three nights in a row. My work project takes up much of my time. Can we plan a \u2018date night\u2019 dinner together this weekend so we can really catch up, talk, and relax?\u201d<\/p>\n

\"right_speech2\"<\/a>Is there a difference in these two scenarios? Yes, the difference is compassion.\u00a0Non-violent communication (or NVC) is a method of mindful and compassionate communication:<\/p>\n

1) observe the need nonjudgmentally<\/p>\n

2) note the feelings<\/p>\n

3) describe the needs<\/p>\n

4) and, finally, make the request.<\/p>\n

Let us all be instruments of peace by speaking compassionately to one another. Try this 5 minute exercise the next time you anticipate having a difficult conversation with someone you care about:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Light a candle and\/or play some water-related music in the background (you can search for rainfall or ocean wave music on your phone; if you have a zen water fountain you may sit by it).<\/li>\n
  2. Sit up straight without leaning back in a comfortable position and rest your hands downwards on opposite knees.<\/li>\n
  3. Close your eyes. Breathe in for 7 counts and breathe out for 7 counts.<\/li>\n
  4. You can\u2019t help the way you feel, so do not fight how you feel. Allow your strong feeling to fill your body and seep into your skin on each intake, then release the feeling and think of water falling and disappearing or ebbing and flowing.<\/li>\n
  5. Like water, allow how you feel to seep into your skin completely, then allow the feeling to release itself from your body. Do this for 5 minutes.<\/li>\n
  6. When you have accepted how you feel, try to practice using NVC language when you communicate with the other party. Let us know what works and what does not work when you try using NVC.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Lindsey Nguyen<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    You were hoping to have dinner with your partner tonight. You both have been working late the last three nights in a row and have not had quality time over a meal.\u00a0Your partner comes home late again tonight, and you … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"qubely_global_settings":"","qubely_interactions":"","kk_blocks_editor_width":"","_kiokenblocks_attr":"","_kiokenblocks_dimensions":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[8,5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1235","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-guest-blog","category-spiritual-activism"],"gutentor_comment":4,"qubely_featured_image_url":null,"qubely_author":{"display_name":"writeherewritenow","author_link":"https:\/\/blogs.scu.edu\/writeherewritenow\/author\/writeherewritenow\/"},"qubely_comment":4,"qubely_category":"Guest Blog<\/a> Spiritual Activism<\/a>","qubely_excerpt":"You were hoping to have dinner with your partner tonight. You both have been working late the last three nights in a row and have not had quality time over a meal.\u00a0Your partner comes home late again tonight, and you … Continue reading →","post_mailing_queue_ids":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.scu.edu\/writeherewritenow\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1235","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.scu.edu\/writeherewritenow\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.scu.edu\/writeherewritenow\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.scu.edu\/writeherewritenow\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/9"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.scu.edu\/writeherewritenow\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1235"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.scu.edu\/writeherewritenow\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1235\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1238,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.scu.edu\/writeherewritenow\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1235\/revisions\/1238"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.scu.edu\/writeherewritenow\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1235"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.scu.edu\/writeherewritenow\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1235"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.scu.edu\/writeherewritenow\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1235"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}