The Empty Space

Posted on October 15, 2018 by writeherewritenow

Thirty spokes meet at the wheel’s axis
The center space makes the wheel useful.
Form clay into a cup;
The center space gives it purpose.
Frame doors and windows for a house;
The openings make the house useful.
Therefore, purpose comes from what is there
Because of what is not there.

Tao Te Ching, Chapter 11

In one of my favorite passages, the Tao Te Ching reminds us of the essential power of the empty space, what the Japanese call yohaku.

In an old Buddhist legend, an accomplished young man came to a teacher seeking enlightenment. He introduced himself, reciting his list of accomplishments while the master poured tea. As the man talked on, the master continued to pour until the tea spilled over the sides of the cup.

“Stop!” said the young man. “Can’t you see what you’re doing?”

The old master smiled, eyes twinkling as he replied, “You cannot fill a cup that is already full.”

The young man was full of himself, full of ego. To learn anything new, he would have to empty his cup.

Likewise, to keep learning and growing, we must empty ourselves of preconceptions, suspend judgement, clear away the clutter of our minds. This is the vital lesson of yohaku, the “white space” or the background in an ink painting, which adds balance and beauty to the whole.

An expression of yin, the “empty space” so much a part of the Tao, yohaku is the space of contemplation, insight, and creativity.

What about you? Take a mindful moment now

  • To close your eyes,
  • Take a slow, deep breath and slowly release it.
  • Then ask yourself,

“Do I have enough space in my days?”

“Where do I find my yohaku?”

Namaste,

Diane

 

 

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Have you caught the “hurry sickness”?

Posted on October 9, 2018 by writeherewritenow

Meditation teacher Eknath Easwaran called it “the hurry sickness.” And it’s become an epidemic, as Americans cram more and more in our days, driven by FOMO, the “fear of missing out.” We fill up our schedules, try to do one more thing before leaving the house, then rush out the door and race down the road, late for work or our next appointment.

Constantly rushing undermines our health with chronic stress. Our bodies tense up, preparing for fight or flight, producing tight, sore muscles and back pain. Our concentration narrows as our bodies churn out adrenaline and corticosteroids, shutting down our digestive and immune systems as well as our sense of compassion. And all too often, our chronic rushing makes us ignore the people around us.

Sometimes this rushing can be fatal. At a street corner three blocks from my house I saw piles of flowers and hand-written notes, a memorial to one of our neighbors. The man had recently lost his wife and was raising his young daughter. He was standing on the sidewalk beside his bike, waiting for the light to change when an impatient driver in an SUV came racing down the street, passed a line of cars on the right, and jumped the curb, careening onto the sidewalk, killing our neighbor and leaving his little girl all alone.

What about you? Have you been caught up in “the hurry sickness”? If so, for your own good and the good of those around you, take a moment now to rediscover that place of peace deep within you.

  • Close your eyes
  • Take a deep breath and slowly release it.
  • Feel your feet on the ground, as you
  • Breathe in peace, and
  • Breathe out compassion
  • For yourself, your neighbors, and our world.
  • Then gently open your eyes.

Namaste,

Diane

Reference

For more information on curing “the hurry sickness” with meditation, see Easwaran, Eknath. Passage Meditation. Tomales, CA: Nilgiri Press, 2008 or check out the website www.bmcm.org.

 

 

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Living Your Question

Posted on October 8, 2018 by writeherewritenow

I receive many emails, text messages and phone calls, every day, asking for answers to complex questions. In our modern day language we call it “feedback,” “advice” or “consulting.”  We expect fast, insightful opinions so we can quickly keep going. But in the midst of the pressures to respond quickly, do we devote enough time to meaningful contemplative time so we can really address complex questions?

What is your question?

In ancient Zen training students use “koans,” literally translated as “cases,” which usually involved some teaching in the form of a question.  Once you identified “your question” you could just live with the question for years. Meditating on a question or a text is also a tool used by Ignatius of Loyola, the founder of the Jesuit Christian tradition.

In your life, do you have a question you meditate on or pray for? Do you give yourself plenty of contemplative time so you can live your question? Do you trust the unfolding possibilities offered to you as you open up and live your question?

Try this meditation:

  1. Breathe in and out, and scan your body, mind and heart, to check where you are in your life right now. Do you experience peace, hope, or uncertainty and confusion?
  2. Be mindful of the question that arise as you focus on this moment. If you are  overwhelmed by uncertainty,  do you have a question you would like to ask? Be precise and clear as you formulate your question.
  3. Your question should be shaped by openness. Keep the question in mind as you breathe in and out, and you open up to receive your inner wisdom and compassion. Return to that question so you will be periodically reminded of that essential openness.
  4. Receive without urgency or anxiety. Wait peacefully and trust the infinite wisdom  and the insights coming into your heart.

Peace,

Juan

 

 

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How small moments of presence can rebuild community

Posted on September 19, 2018 by writeherewritenow

In the world around us, too many people are frantically multitasking, dashing around, trying to keep up. We’re connected 24/7 on the Internet, yet have become increasingly disconnected from ourselves and one another.

To flourish as individuals and a nation, we need community, people we can count on, people we can trust. Research has found that community is essential to our mental and physical health.

Years ago, more of us knew our neighbors. We had people nearby to do each other favors, share harvests from our gardens, and offer mutual support. We knew the local bank tellers, druggists, and bookstore owners by name. But now many bank tellers, druggists, and bookstore owners have been replaced by automation and the Internet.

Now many of us spend more time online than actually connecting with people. I see people walking down the street–even crossing the street–staring down at their phones, and couples who go out to dinner together personally disconnected, each staring down at a phone. Our sense of community is eroding away and with it our sense of trust.

Yet we can help bring it back. And it doesn’t take much. Psychologist Barbara Fredrickson has found that “micro-moments” of connectivity shared with another person can dramatically improve our health, raising our mood, relieving stress and reducing inflammation, building physical and emotional well-being. These connections can be shared not only with close friends and family members but the grocery store clerk or anyone else you encounter in daily life. A simple smile, eye contact, presence, perhaps a kind word—that’s all it takes.

We can make a difference. We can begin healing the stress and anxiety in our world by reaching out in micro-moments of presence to connect with the people around us, renewing our sense of community, one person at a time.

What about you?

You can make your life a moving meditation, challenging yourself to create micro-moments of connectivity with:

  • friends and family,
  • neighbors,
  • coworkers,
  • or the clerk at the grocery store.

You can begin by visualizing yourself doing this:

  • Close your eyes
  • Breathe into your heart
  • And visualize yourself smiling, in a heartfelt connection with someone you know.
  • What does this look like and feel like?
  • Then open your eyes

Now take your meditation into action, moving through your day experiencing three small micro-moments of connection with the people you meet today.

Then notice how you feel and what a difference it makes in your life.

Namaste,

Diane

References: 

Fredrickson, B. (2013). Love 2.0: How our supreme emotion affects everything we feel, think, do, and become. New York, NY: Hudson Street Press. See her short video, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AxxIh8NtGfw

Umberson, D., Montez, J. K. (2010).Social relationships and health: A flashpoint for health policy. Journal of Health and Social Behavior, 51 (1). S54 – S66. For research on the vital health benefits of community.

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What Do You Share?

Posted on September 15, 2018 by writeherewritenow

My friend has been in a long time partnership with another colleague who lives hundreds of miles away, and she tells me about their curious relationship, what keeps their friendship alive and fresh after so many years. “No matter how far we are from each other, we always remind each other how precious life is.”

My friend tells me that from the very beginning of their relationship they shared a little statue of Kwan Yin, the goddess of mercy. “I was once facing a difficult challenge at work, so my colleague sent me a little statue of Kwan Yin by mail to remind me that love is everywhere. Three months later I sent it back when my colleague experienced a death in her family. It became our tradition, sending back and forth this symbol of love and compassion between us.”

For years, since then, they faithfully sent the reminder to each other, it became a token of love and companionship in the journey of life. I admired how they were able to transform grief into compassion by sharing something precious and sacred.  How about you? Do you have a person who reminds you to transform difficulties into wisdom? What do you share with others? Are you reminded once in a while that love and compassion are everywhere in this world?

Try this meditation:

  1. Breathe mindfully, in and out, and evaluate where you are in your life right now. Are you at peace? Do you experience difficulties, loss or grief?
  2. Stay present without judging your experience of this moment. If you are struggling, do you have a special one in your life that reminds you of what is really important about your life journey? If you don’t, who could it be?
  3. Your journey is not  shaped by grief or loss. Your journey is defined by your ability to stay open as you gain in wisdom and compassion. Choose an object and a person that will periodically remind you of that essential truth.
  4. Share what is most especial with others. Open your heart to the wisdom of sharing what is our true self. See it there as you move through your grief and face the difficulties of this world.

Peace,

Juan

 

 

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Fire and Ox

Posted on July 9, 2018 by writeherewritenow

Sometimes the signs of trouble are subtle, but sometimes they are perfectly clear and we still choose to ignore them. My friend’s wife was struggling with the loss of her father. A year later, they lost a child in pregnancy. Faced with so much loss in such short period of time, my friend chose to focus on his work instead of dealing with the pain. She did the same.

Delusion is like a fire

In the Blue Cliff Records, it says “smoke over the hill indicates fire, horns over the fence indicate an ox.” The meaning to this advice is that a fire or an ox in the backyard might be scary or a difficult problem to confront, but we should pay attention to the signs. My friend chose to ignore the signs and two years later, the marriage fell apart. Fire, when ignored, will consume everything.

The same text notices, on the other hand, that when you acknowledge the ox in the backyard or the fire, you are not deluded any more and you can “enjoy perfect freedom in adversity and prosperity.”  This teaching applies to your own life, to the community and the country. Are you ignoring the signs of trouble around you? Do you acknowledge the difficulties at the door and are you facing them without delusion?

Try this meditation:

  1. Breathe in and out mindfully, and notice the signs you see in your life and around you.  Notice whether or not you have been ignoring them or acknowledging they are there to challenge you.
  2. Be open to face what is. Without judging whether those signs are good or bad, notice whether or not your heart is willing to enter this new experience.
  3. Your journey is shaped by your willingness to be flexible and open to the signs that indicate a new experience, a new chapter in your life. Acknowledge what is going on, and that will set you free.
  4. Gently, open your heart to the challenge, and get the work done as you move through the difficulties of the world. Moment by moment, just do it.

Peace,

Juan

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Cultivating Inner Strength

Posted on July 4, 2018 by writeherewritenow

The Tao Te Ching tells us:

Analyzing others is knowledge,
Knowing yourself is wisdom.
Managing others requires skill.
Mastering yourself takes inner strength.

Tao Te Ching, Chapter 33

Descriptions of leadership usually refer to the leader as manager, strategist, commander-in-chief, emphasizing instrumental skills of communication, planning and problem solving.

But beyond these skills, beyond externals, there is the one essential strength we need to cultivate: knowing ourselves.

“Know thyself,” Socrates taught in ancient Greece. The Tao Te Ching reminds us that effective leadership requires us to recognize our own strengths and weaknesses and strive to become more balanced, more centered, more whole.

Only then can we meet our inevitable challenges without being reactive, without falling into excesses of ego—fear, anger, and defensiveness. Only then can we see more clearly, act more wisely, responding to the energies around us from a center of balance within us.

How can we develop the knowledge that will provide our center of balance? The answers come from sources as old as the Tao Te Ching, as new as research in neuroscience: from a commitment to contemplative practice.

Contemplative practice is more vital than ever today. The chronic stress in our world can put us on constant alert, blocking our vision and compassion for ourselves and those around us. Unable to focus or be fully present, we can become increasingly defensive, making reactive, hasty decisions that only increase the suffering within and around us.

Neuroscience research has shown how contemplative practice cultivates mindfulness, enhancing our cognitive function, strengthening those areas of the brain that regulate emotion, bringing us greater clarity and compassion for the people around us (Condon et al, 2013; Hölzel et al, 2011; see also Goleman,  & Davidson, 2017).

How about you? Do you have a contemplative practice? If not, you might begin by taking a few moments now to center down.

  • Sit down in a comfortable place where you won’t be disturbed.
  • Take a deep breath,
  • Then slowly release it.
  • Close your eyes and feel your body relax
  • As you focus on your breathing
  • Saying silently to yourself, “Breathing in, I smile,”
  • “Breathing out I am at peace.”
  • Then feel your body relax more with each breath.
  • When your mind wanders, note the thought–“worry,” “anxious,” “planning.”
  • Then go back to focus on your breathing.
  • After a few minutes, gently open your eyes.

Take this practice with you for a few moments each day and notice how it makes you feel.

Namaste,

Diane

References:

Condon, P., Desbordes, G., Miller, W. B., & DeSteno, D. (2013). Meditation increases compassionate responses to suffering. Psychological Science, 24, 2125-2127.

Goleman, D. & Davidson, R. J. (2017). Altered Traits: Science reveals how meditation changes your mind, brain, and body. New York, NY: Avery.

Hölzel, B. K., Lazar, S. W., Gard, T., Schuman-Olivier, Z., Vago., D. R., & Ott, U. (2011). How does mindfulness work? Proposing mechanisms of action from a conceptual and neural perspective. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 6, 537-559.

Some information in this post appeared earlier in Dreher, D. (1996). The Tao of Personal Leadership. New York, NY: HarperCollins and  Dreher, D. E. (2015). Leading with compassion: A Moral compass for our time. In T. G. Plante (Ed.). The psychology of compassion and cruelty: Understanding the emotional, spiritual, and religious influences (pp. 73-87). Santa Barbara, CA: ABC-CLIO.

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Generosity and Harm

Posted on June 25, 2018 by writeherewritenow

I get the phone call and my mother’s voice sounds strained. She is trying not to get too much attention to herself, but I can tell the exhaustion is already winning. For years, she has been taking care of my father and his complicated illness, and now the care-taking is overwhelming her.

I ask her to get help, to get somebody else in the house so she can free a little bit of time for herself. But she is reluctant to do this. Taking care of herself, enjoying free time with your friends while your spouse is seriously ill, goes against the core of how she was trained to be in this world. Women, especially, are expected to sacrifice themselves.

My mother’s life has been harsh to say the least, but she is naturally a happy woman, filled with witticisms and humor, and I would like her to see that we can both fulfill our expectations but also enjoy the moments of joy around us. She struggles, because in my small family sometimes generous love can turned easily into self-harm, and there is no clear distinctions between one and the other. We all struggle with those boundaries.

In your own life, do you feel guilty when you turn from caring for others into self-caring? Do you balance your acts of generosity and love toward others with those that show care for yourself? Do you listen to the voice of exhaustion when it is telling you it’s time to rest?

Try this meditation:

  1. As you breathe mindfully, in and out, assess  as objectively as possible your sense of self in the moment. Evaluate whether or not you have been pushing yourself too hard.
  2. Be open to what is. Stay present without judging whether or not other priorities have been more important in your life until now.
  3. Your journey is not  shaped by sacrifice but by love. Your journey is defined by your ability to stay balanced as you provide life.
  4. Moment by moment, see when you can find some stillness, and self-care. Open your heart to the wisdom of rest. See it through your days as you move through life in the world.

Peace,

Juan

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Who Are You?

Posted on June 12, 2018 by j1velasco

During my years of Zen training I learned that no matter whether you are in a good or bad situation, your true self is always free. Many wisdom traditions point to that realization—regardless of anxiety or fear, we are always substantially free and complete. If you know how to reach that potential we all have inside of us, you can then face any challenge in life.

Your true self is always free

Where do you go when you are stressed or fearful? Do you have practice, a ritual, a faith? Some of my students use alcohol or drugs, others use food or sex to remove themselves from feeling the emotions they can not control. But teachers, mystics and poets throughout millennia point at simply reaching inside of us to realize our true self.  Mechthild of Magdeburg describes it as “a fish cannot drown in water. A bird does not fall in air.”

How about your daily life? Do you know your true self? Where do you go when you want to be in touch with who you truly are?  Meditate on this questions:

  • In your life, do you give yourself time to practice meditation so you can realize your true self?
  • Do you have the tools to go deep inside and discover the untapped spiritual potential of your life?
  • Can you connect with the part of you that is always solid and free?
  • After that, do you know how to use your life to help others? Let your true self guide your life.

Peace,

Juan

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A Reminder from a Wild Rose

Posted on June 6, 2018 by writeherewritenow

A wild rosebush bloomed in my yard this week. The bush had sprung up unexpectedly and blooms only once a year—each time a beautiful surprise.  Today, while I was doing my garden chores, the delicate blossoms stopped me in my tracks. I paused in amazement. What was I experiencing? Savoring.

Savoring, according to Loyola University psychologist Fred Bryant is taking time to focus on the good and beautiful in our lives—simply pausing to note the beauty without attachment. His research has shown that savoring can improve our health by decreasing anxiety, rumination, guilt, and shame while increasing happiness and optimism (Bryant, 1989; 2003).

But most of the time, instead of focusing on the good in our lives, we focus on the negative. Psychologists call this the “negativity bias” (Rozin, & Royzman, 2001). This bias helped our ancestors survive when a sudden noise or movement meant a prey animal might be stalking them. But now, in our daily lives, we unconsciously scan for threats, reacting to anything out of the ordinary. In today’s world of continual change, the negativity bias can keep us on constant alert, filling our minds with fear,  anxiety, and a dark, foreboding view of the world.

Savoring breaks through negativity, bringing us what psychologist Barbara Fredrickson has called the “broaden and build” effect of positive emotions, broadening our perspective and building our resources, transforming our lives and enabling us to flourish (Fredrickson, 2001).

What about you? Will you take a few moments to savor the beauty in your world today? You can do this by stepping outside or simply walking over to the window. Pause, take a deep breath, and look at some aspect of the natural world:

  • a tree, noting the texture of its bark, the strength in its trunk, the vibrant green of its leaves, or
  • a flower, noting the color and shape of this delicate blossom, or perhaps
  • a squirrel scampering across the fence, or
  • a bird in flight, or
  • the dynamic patterns of clouds in the sky.

Breathe in oneness with what you see.

Then gradually return to yourself, noting how you feel.

Namaste,

Diane

 

 

References

Bryant, F. B. (1989). A Four-factor model of perceived control: Avoiding, Coping, Obtaining, and Savoring. Journal of Personality, 57, 773-797.

Bryant, F. B. (2003). Savoring Beliefs Inventory (SBI): A scale for measuring beliefs about savoring. Journal of Mental Health, 12, 175-196.

Fredrickson, B. (2001). The role of positive emotions in positive psychology. American Psychologist, 56, 218-226.

Rozin, P., & Royzman, E. B. (2001). Negativity bias, negativity dominance, and contagion. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 5, 296-320.

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