Facing New Challenges

Posted on March 29, 2019 by writeherewritenow

“What you desire and what you fear are within yourself.”

  Tao Te Ching, Chapter 13

                                               

When you face a new challenge, what do you feel? Fear, anxiety—or excitement? Whatever you call it, it’s energy. And this new rush of energy can help focus your attention. 

Before getting her Ph.D. in psychology, My friend Tracey was a ski instructor in Taos, New Mexico. What she taught people learning to ski offers wisdom for facing any new challenge—a mindful blend of intention and attention.

Get clear on what you want to do. Before attempting a new ski run, Tracey would size up the situation, asking, “Where do I want to go?” When facing a new challenge in your life, what is your intention?

Ask yourself, “What do I want?” “Where do I want to go?”

Consider the conditions. Pay careful attention. Ski slopes can vary from day to day. It could have snowed last night or the trails might be icy. Melting snow may expose hazardous rocks or tree branches. On the ski slopes and in life, knowing the conditions will help you take right action. What are current conditions like for you?

New challenges in skiing and life

Tune in to your body. Don’t let tension and fear paralyze you. Since you cannot be tense and relaxed at the same time, do a relaxation technique if you’re feeling tense. Take a deep breath and release it, feeling the energy in your body. Then focus on your intention, telling yourself, “I CAN do this.”

Don’t concentrate on what you want to avoid. Where do you focus your attention? Too often people focus on hazards. Tracey knows from skiing that if she concentrates on the sharp rocks at the end of a trail, she’ll run right into them. In your own challenging situation, don’t fixate on obstacles or visualize failure. Take hazards into account, consider how to handle them, but keep your eyes on your goal.

Choose your course of action and follow through. If the conditions aren’t right or the timing is wrong, say “no” and find a way to withdraw. If you say “yes” to the challenge, then follow through to the best of your ability. Either way, commit to your choice with intention. Then pay attention, remaining centered so you can make adjustments if conditions change.

Are you facing a new challenge in life?

If so, take a mindful moment to center down and ask yourself these questions:

1. Intention: “What do I want?”

2. Attention: “What are the conditions like?”

3. From Tension to Intention: “How do I feel?” If you’re tense and anxious, take a deep breath and release it, visualizing your goal.

4. Attention and Focus: “Are there obstacles ahead?” Consider how you can deal with them, then focus on your goal.

5. Intention to Action: Before proceeding, ask if the conditions and timing are right. If not, step back for now. If so, then move forward with intention.

Either way, with intention and attention, you’ll blend the energies within and around you to create greater harmony in your life.

Namaste,

Diane

Reference:

Some information in this post appeared earlier in Dreher, D. (1998). The Tao of

Womanhood. New York, NY: William Morrow.


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Knowing

Posted on March 8, 2019 by writeherewritenow

Zen master Seung Sahn used to bring a glass of water to his Dharma talks. He would place it in front of him and asked his audience. “What is water?” He would get many answers: “H2O,” or “it is a liquid,” or “you find it in the ocean.”

To all the answers he would simply reply, “no.” Then he would tell somebody in the audience, “now ask me.”

“What is water?” The member from the audience asked. Facing the questioner right on, Seung Sahn would grab the glass of water and drink it. After tasting the water and placing the glass in front of him, a big smile appeared in his face.

What was he trying to communicate by doing this? The question was clear: How do you really ‘know’ something? So many times we overthink ourselves to death, when in fact the only way to really ‘know’ is by entering the situation—only the full experience of every moment will tell you what is in front of you.

In your life, do you ever overthink what is in front of you? Do you trust yourself as you experience life? How do you transform the clarity of experience into wisdom?

Try this meditation:

  • Moment by moment, what’s in front of you?
  • What do you see?
  • Breathing in and out, focus on the present moment.
  • Here and now, breathe. With clarity, help all beings.

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Weeping Lady

Posted on January 30, 2019 by writeherewritenow

There is an old Chinese story titled, “The Weeping Lady.” It is said that whenever somebody asked her why she was crying, she responded: “I have two sons. One is a shoe salesman. The other, an umbrella maker. When it is raining I know that the business is bad for the shoe salesman,” she said. “And when the weather is good, the business is bad for the umbrella maker. When I’m reminded of that, I cry.”

So the old woman cried and cried every day. One day, a nun name Eshun heard the story. She went to the old lady and reminded her that, “when it is raining, it is good business for the umbrella maker; and when we have good weather, many people buy new shoes.” When the old lady heard that, she realized her mistake, and from then on, she smiled every day, regardless of the weather.

In your life, what do you see? Does your mind work like a filter? Do you focus on the good or the bad weather? Is there anything to smile about in your life?

Take a moment to practice mindful breathing:

  • Moment by moment, what do you see?
  • What filter do you have in your life?
  • Breathing in, breathing out, return to clarity, to the present moment.
  • Here and now, breathe. Your true self is always shinning and free.

Namaste,

Juan

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What Kind of World Do You Want in the New Year?

Posted on December 31, 2018 by writeherewritenow

What kind of world do you want to live in? Too many of us live in a world of anxiety. Stress with work, commuting, relationships, and each new crisis on the daily news can plunge us into a world where we feel constantly under attack.

Anxiety is the number one mental health problem in the United States. But no matter what is going on around us, how we respond to external reality can shape our future and transform the world we live in. Do you feel victimized by a hostile world, feel defeated by current problems or see them as challenges to be overcome? Do you see yourself as capable or an abject failure, responding with what psychologist Martin Seligman has called optimism or learned helplessness?

Research at the University of Rome has shown that we can transform the world we experience by adopting a regular gratitude practice. We can begin seeing ourselves and our world in a more compassionate light, recognizing the possibilities within and around us.

Cultivating a grateful attitude makes us more compassionate toward ourselves whenever things go wrong. Reducing harsh self-criticism and self-attack, gratitude becomes a protective factor against anxiety and depression.  Changing how we see the world, it helps us notice and appreciate the good things in life. Gratitude improves our relationships with others, creating greater kindness and compassion to heal our troubled world.

Here are some simple ways to add gratitude to your life:

  • Pause for a moment in the midst of your busy days to focus on one thing you’re grateful for: think of a dear friend, enjoy the playful antics of a kitten or puppy, appreciate the beauty of nature’s artistry in a winter sunset or raindrops sparkling on the trees like tiny crystals.
  • Make it a point to thank people—from your favorite aunt to a helpful neighbor and the clerk at the store—reaching out and connecting with a simple expression of gratitude.
  • End each day with a gratitude practice, thinking of three things you’re thankful for. You may want to keep a gratitude journal to record these things.

This year, you can begin healing the world, one grateful moment at a time.

Namaste,

Diane

References

Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: an experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of personality and social psychology, 84(2), 377.

Emmons, R. A. (2016). The little book of gratitude: Create a life of happiness and wellbeing by giving thanks. New York, NY: Hachette.

Hill, P. L., Allemand, M., & Roberts, B. W. (2013). Examining the pathways between gratitude and self-rated physical health across adulthood. Personality and individual differences, 54(1), 92-96.

Petrocchi, N., & Couyoumdjian, A. (2016). The impact of gratitude on depression and anxiety: the mediating role of criticizing, attacking, and reassuring the self. Self and Identity, 15(2), 191-205.

NASA Planet earth from outer space: public domain
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Effortless Action

Posted on December 20, 2018 by writeherewritenow

For years you tried to get to that place you dreamed of. Professionally, emotionally, physically, your goals are not being achieved no matter how hard you tried. You kept trying, but every time you failed.

I am sitting at the park and I watch the birds flying, the flowers carefully turning towards the sun, the wind moving back and forth, and I sense the mysterious rhythm of creation in the life around me. I wonder if that’s the place from which we set forth naturally into action.

Athletes and dancers know how to step forward into “the zone.” They know how to find that natural rhythm from which our abilities achieve results almost effortlessly. Are we trying too hard? Are our abilities compromised by the lack of intuition or rhythm?   How do we arrive to effortless action?

Take a moment to breathe:

  • Moment by moment, witness. What kind of friction or obstacles appear when trying to achieve your goals?
  • Breathing in, breathing out, look at your personal relationship with those obstacles. Is it irritating? Do you feel angry? Is it overwhelming? Is the fear getting in your way?
  • Moment by moment, keep a mind clear like a mirror. Whatever needs to be done, step by step, just do it.

Juan Velasco

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The Gift That Costs Nothing . . .But Transforms Everything

Posted on December 4, 2018 by writeherewritenow

Each December,  many of us rush through our days to complete our holiday tasks, trying to find the right gift.  We experience increased stressed from  holiday crowds, long lines, and traffic, or hours shopping online.

Yet there’s one gift that costs nothing but transforms everything. And it’s not available online. Psychologist Barbara Fredrickson  has found that sharing “micro-moments” of connection with another person can relieve our stress, improve our mood, and reduce inflammation, increasing  the physical and emotional health of both giver and receiver.

These heartfelt connections take only a moment and can be shared not only with close friends and family but anyone you encounter from the clerk at the store to the next person in line.  A simple smile, eye contact, presence, perhaps a kind word—that’s all it takes.

This small gift can make a great difference, rippling out to touch the hearts and raise the energies of those we meet.

We can begin healing the stress and anxiety in ourselves and our world by reaching out to connect with the people around us– one micro-moment at a time.

What about you?

The next time you find yourself rushing, stop.

  • Remember the gift.
  • Take a deep, mindful breath and connect with someone around you
  • With a smile, a kind word, or unspoken blessing.

You can challenge yourself each day to share this gift in three micro-moments of connection with:

  • friends and family,
  • neighbors,
  • coworkers,
  • the clerk at the grocery store, or
  • anyone else you see.

Then notice how you feel and what a difference it makes.

I wish you many heartwarming gifts in this holiday season and throughout the new year.

Namaste,

Diane

Reference: 
Fredrickson, B. (2013). Love 2.0: How our supreme emotion affects everything we feel, think, do, and become. New York, NY: Hudson Street Press.

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Clouds Coming and Going

Posted on November 25, 2018 by writeherewritenow

When I lived in the Midwest, years ago, there were large periods, for months at a time, of gray, cloudy skies. The long winters in the Midwest, the lack of light, resembled long journeys inside a gray tunnel. For many, it led to depression, anxiety and isolation. In the middle of one of those long periods of grayness, I took a flight to California. As soon as the plane took off, I was surprised to see a bright, shining light above the clouds. I had forgotten that the sun was always there, shining and bright, even in the worst days of darkness.

Kaushikvishu photo. Wikimedia Commons

Our lives can be like that. Clouds can obscure our true self and often we forget that our bright, shiny self is always there. It was a good reminder for me to know that even in the worst, hopeless moments, the sun was always shining and bright above us. Since then, I remind myself often that clouds are always coming and going but our true self is always shining and free. When you face moments of grayness, isolation and anxiety, what do you do? When you are left feeling isolated and hopeless, where do you look? How do you remind yourself that your true self is always bright, shining and free?

Take a moment to practice mindful breathing:

  • Moment by moment, where is true self?
  • Breathing in, breathing out, return to the present moment.
  • Here and now, breathe. Your true self is always shinning and free.

Juan Velasco

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The Old Lady in the Tea House

Posted on November 21, 2018 by writeherewritenow

An ancient Zen story talks about Dok Sahn, who was a famous sacred scripture master from the North. One day he heard that the monks of the South were spending lots of time meditating, just practicing mindful breathing and somehow they got enlightenment.  Dok Sahn was confused. “How come they understand the way to peace without studying the scriptures? I’ll go there and teach them!”

On his arrival he got hungry and he stopped at a tea house. The owner of the place, an old lady who also meditated, was honored to receive such a great expert on the scriptures. But knowing he opposed her meditation practice, she offered him a challenge: “If you answer my question I will give you lunch for free. If you don’t, you will go hungry.”

“How do you dare to challenge me, old woman,” the proud Dok Sahn replied. The old lady smiled, and asked him the question: “In the scriptures it is said that you can’t get enlightenment with a mind from the past, the present or the future. With what kind of mind will you eat your lunch?”

Dok Sahn was shocked. He thought about all the passages in the scriptures but he could not find an answer to the question.  To this the old lady added: “If you are attached to the words, how can you understand a melon’s taste?”

In your life, are you attached to the constant bombardment of messages or do you experience the moment? If you are in your phone all the time, or attached to media, how can you experience the truth of being in the present moment, in relationship with others?

Take a moment to practice mindfulness:

  • In this moment, where are you now?
  • Breathing in deep, breathing out slow, return to the present.
  • Moment by moment, breathe. Present moment, the moment of peace.

 

Juan

 

 

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The Path is Simple But Not Easy

Posted on November 16, 2018 by writeherewritenow

The Tao Te Ching tells us:

If we had the highest wisdom,
We would walk the path of Tao.
The path of Tao is simple,
Yet people take many detours.”

Tao Te Ching, Chapter 53

“The path of Tao is simple”–but not easy.

Many of us live by multitasking, trying to do two or three things at once, our days filled with detours and distractions. But research has shown that our brains lose vital information when we shift back and forth between tasks, that multitasking actually makes us less efficient.

This is especially true in relationships. At work, have you ever caught yourself checking your email when talking on the phone? Or seen a couple at a restaurant, each staring down at their cell phones? Or tried to talk to someone whose attention was divided, distracted by an electronic device?

It takes intention to be present. Like a Zen archer, we must be focused. Our intention, like the arrow, must be aimed at one target, one task at a time. When our minds are focused, we cannot miss the mark.

Each day our minds are assailed by the messages around us. Family members, neighbors, advertisers, entertainers, politicians, newscasters, employers, and corporate officers are constantly sending us messages, telling us how to think and what to do. Ralph Waldo Emerson, a longtime student of Eastern philosophy, realized how such outside influences can become authoritative forces threatening to reduce us to childlike subservience. “You will always find those who think they know what is your duty better than you know it,” he warned.

Yet as citizens in a democracy, we cannot surrender to outside influences. We must think for ourselves and be present to those around us. This means coming back to center, knowing where to focus, where to aim our intention.

What about you? How do you navigate your way through the maze of messages around you? How do you remember who you are and why you are here?

Take a moment now to return to center.

Close your eyes.
Take a deep, mindful breath and slowly release it.
Feel your body relax,
Feel the rhythm of your heartbeat.
As you focus your attention
And intention
To be right here
Right now.

Then slowly open your eyes.

You can use this simple practice to become more centered, more balanced, more whole, and to share your center of presence and peace with the people in your life.

References:

Some information in this lesson appeared earlier in Dreher, D. (1996). The Tao of Personal Leadership. New York, NY: HarperCollins.

The Emerson quote from “Self-Reliance” in Emerson’s Essays (1926). New York, NY: Thomas Y. Crowell, p, 38. Originally published 1841.

For insight into how multitasking affects our brains and makes us less efficient, see Foerde, K., Knowlton, B. J., & Poldrack, R. A. (2006). Modulation of competing memory systems by distraction. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 103, 11778-11783.

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Where is Your Happiness?

Posted on October 18, 2018 by writeherewritenow

An ancient Zen story explains how the famous teacher Joshu became enlightened.  One day, he approached a wise monk, Nansen, asking about the path to happiness.

“Ordinary mind is the way,” Nansen replied.

Joshu did not understand so he asked again: “How do I know the way?”

“Knowledge is delusion; not knowledge is confusion. The way is clear and open like space,” Nansen said.

When Joshu heard that, he attained understanding of the way.

Because I teach for a living, I was puzzled at first about the idea of knowledge as “delusion.” But after a while I realized that Nansen was pointing at taking one more step beyond knowledge–when applied to the present moment, knowledge becomes experience. It is within the realm of your experience, moment by moment, that the way becomes clear. If you can see clearly “what is” in front of you, moment by moment, then the way is open and clear.

Now take a few moments and practice mindful breathing:

  • In your own life, what is the way for you?
  • Again, breathe in deep, breathe out slow.
  • Ask yourself. How do you find happiness, moment by moment, in your life?

“Where is your happiness in this moment?”

Juan

 

 

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