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The Compassionate Mind

Posted on January 12, 2015 by writeherewritenow

“Just open your heart in an inconceivably big way, in that limitless way that benefits everyone you encounter.” Pema Chodron

When you live in a state of reactivity, a small trigger can set you off in the direction of anger and, ultimately, destruction. Obviously, most of the time, we are in control of our reactions but I invite you to think of a moment when a reactive decision you took added more fuel to the fire. In a conversation or in your emails, the wrong choice of words, or unclear messages, can set off a chain of suffering at work, in your family or in your community. How did you process those moments?And what do you learn about those experiences?

Compassionate Leadership

Whether in the context of self-compassion or as a model of compassionate leadership, Paul Gilbert has dedicated a great deal of his research to the scientific study of compassion. In fact, his model of Compassion Focused Therapy involves an interdisciplinary range of fields, including evolutionary psychology, neuroscience, models of emotion and cognitive and behavioral approaches. Those studies prove the connection between the practice of self-compassion, compassionate leadership, and increasing levels of effectiveness and happiness. When you make decisions or prepare for an important event, do you ever practice compassion? How do you make decisions when in the midst of conflict and anger?

Try this:

-Sit with your back straight and focus on your breathing. As you are breathing in and out, ask yourself: ‘What are my feelings right now?’ Be mindful. Be a witness without being hooked by it.

-Now remember somebody who inspired you to be better, more giving and grateful Remember a moment in your life, when somebody, in an altruistic manner, helped you without asking for anything in return. Focus in that moment of receiving with an open heart, with gratefulness and compassion for others and for yourself.

-Stay with your breath. Be mindful to the power of compassion, of the joy that comes when receiving and giving compassion to others. Notice the way you could affect others and, through the actions in your own life, you could help create a better world.

-When you are done. Practice in compassion at least once a day. A small action can change the whole world.

Peace, Juan

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First Tune Your Instrument

Posted on January 7, 2015 by writeherewritenow

In our world of challenge and change, we can get so busy rushing from one problem to another that we lose sight of possibilities. Mindful leadership often means stepping back, taking time to reflect instead of simply reacting.

A few years ago, I heard Jon Kabat-Zinn give a talk on mindfulness to a group of therapists and graduate students in counseling psychology. At the end of his talk, one woman in the audience stood up and asked, “With all the problems in the world, isn’t it self-indulgent to spend time meditating when we could be doing something about them?”

Jon paused, compassionately acknowledged her concern and said, “When I go to the symphony, the orchestra members always tune their instruments before they play.” I smiled, recalling how I love the powerful moment when all the musicians—strings, woodwinds, brass—play the same note together in a resounding monochord.

“For me, daily meditation is a way to tune my instrument,” Jon explained. “Then I can face all the day’s challenges more skillfully.”

A beautiful reminder: if we take time to tune our instruments, then instead of mindlessly reacting, we can respond more creatively, discover new possibilities, create greater harmony within and around us.

Do you have a daily mindfulness practice?
If not, try beginning your day with ten minutes of meditation.

First, set your intention. Why are you meditating? For stress relief? Better health? Greater clarity? Compassion? Something else?

Then sit in a chair or on the floor with your spine straight and your eyes closed.
Feel your body relax as you focus on your breathing.
Feel your breath go in and out, following the rhythm of the breath’s sensations.
Notice any thoughts or body sensations that arise.
Don’t get caught up in them—just note and name them: as “worry, worry,” or “restless”
Then gently bring your attention back to your breathing again and again, with an attitude of kindness.
As you conclude your meditation, resolve to take this sense of presence with you as you go about your daily activities.
After a few days of practice, you may wish to gradually extend the time of your meditation.

Tuning your instrument on a daily basis will open your awareness to the subtle harmonies in your life.

Namaste,
Diane

Reference
For an introduction to the practice and benefits of mindfulness meditation, see Kabat-Zinn, J. (2013). Full Catastrophe Living. New York: Bantam Books.

Posted in Contemplative Leader, Insights from Positive Psychology, Mindful Leader, Spiritual Practice | Tagged challenge, change, mindfulness | Comments Off

Life is Always Changing

Posted on January 2, 2015 by writeherewritenow

“Moment by Moment, Just Do It.” Seungh Sahn

Life in this planet is marked by endless change. In fact, this element seems to be an intrinsic part of life. How do you deal with sudden changes in your life or at work? As a CEO of a small non-profit organization, I had this challenge a few weeks ago.

Children teach me how to be present

During my last trip to Central America, we received devastating news from our pre-school in El Salvador. Centro Hogar, a pre-school in San Salvador, no longer would receive support for scholarships from their donors in Sweden. This was a major loss for the school, given that so many children needed the scholarships. All of a sudden, 37 preschoolers were at risk of not going to school. In an environment crowded with gangs, poverty, drugs, human trafficking and sexual exploitation, the scholarships were the only chance for those children and their families to have a better future.

When we face changes, our first reaction is to panic. Fear, anger or just any form of reactivity can taint our capacity to make clear decisions. Mindfulness plays an important role in the way we make decisions in our life. To control any form of knee jerk reaction, I often take a pause. You don’t have to do anything, just simply follow your breath. Breath in and out for a few minutes, in your office or at work, and focus in the moment. Use mindfulness to scan the feelings and thoughts crowding your mind. Slowly, as you breath in and breathe out, watch the feelings and thoughts unfold and find more clarity in the moment. Think of your mind clear and open like the sky and those thoughts and feelings as just clouds crossing by. Let go of the initial shock and open the mind to possibilities. Zen master Seung Sahn used to teach that “moment by moment, your life will be complete.” This means, when dealing with life, be present to the possibilities of the moment, find clarity in that moment and then act clearly to help others. Moment by moment, seeing changes as unfolding possibilities, the situation will be clear.

The Clouds and the Sky

After receiving the bad news about the school, I shared my concerns with some people I knew. A couple of members from the group going to El Salvador came out with ideas regarding crowd sourcing solutions. My team in California and Chicago, working with the in-country coordinator in San Salvador provided the information needed to implement the new plan and the new technology. For weeks, other members of the board reached out to donors, friends and family. By the time we ended our fundraising efforts, implementing new technologies and searching for new ways of reaching out to donors, I can confidently say those efforts were one of our most successful campaigns in years. I learned a lot and we found new ways of reaching out to people supporting preschool education for poor children around the world.

How do you deal with change? Do you often fall into anger, reactivity or fear? Next time you deal with the shock of change, take a pause. Breath in and out for a few minutes. Compassionately watch your feelings and thoughts as they unfold in your mind. Keep your mind open and clear, see those thoughts changing as if they were clouds moving in the sky. Ask “What can I do in this moment?” Then, moment by moment, just do it.

Peace,

Juan

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How Do You Deal with Challenge?

Posted on November 2, 2014 by writeherewritenow

Last month my home Internet service went out. Frustrated and incredulous, I kept re-inserting the usb connection device that had worked perfectly well the day before. Then for the next two weeks I had to deal with delivery delays, repeated calls, and Fedex tracking. My work fell behind as I logged in on public sites and friends’ computers.

Research on stress reveals that what undermines our health and well-being is often not the major challenges but a pile-up of minor annoyances: computer glitches, traffic jams, waiting in line, rude colleagues or schedule changes at work (Karren, Smith, & Gordon, 2014, p. 39). Such hassles can destroy our peace of mind, compromise our immune systems, and lead to ill health—if we let them.

The intense inner dialogue that tries to “solve” a problem without the necessary tools or expertise is what psychologists call “rumination.” The problem churns around through our heads, going around and around like a dog chasing its tail.

Yet despite our American tradition of individualism and self-reliance, what some have called “the doing mode,” some problems cannot be solved with our own cognitive processes or by pushing through with personal will power (Williams, Teasdale, Segal, & Kabat-Zinn, 2007, pp. 43-44). In fact, rumination not only doesn’t solve these problems—it actually makes them worse, gets us stuck, increases our sense of frustration, helplessness, desperation, and even lead us into depression. Mark Williams, John Teasdale, Zindel Segal, and Jon Kabat-Zinn explain this process in their book, The Mindful Way Through Depression, and offer another, more effective approach: mindfulness. Research has shown that when we slow down and focus on what’s happening, what we’re feeling we gain not only greater peace of mind, but greater insight, seeing new possibilities within and around us (Teper, Segal, &Inzlicht, 2013).

As mindfulness helps us see more clearly, we can choose new ways of responding. Sometimes this means reaching out beyond ourselves to the larger community, asking a friend for help. Sometimes it means having patience with the process, staying in touch with our values, waiting for right timing and right action.

What about you?

Are you facing a challenge or frustrating annoyance?
If so, take a moment to practice mindfulness.
Close your eyes
Take a deep breath and slowly release it.
Ask yourself, “What is this?” “What am I feeling now?”
Focus on the feeling,
Feeling yourself more aware of the present moment.
Open your eyes
And write down anything that came up for you
As you trust in the unfolding process.

Namaste,

Diane

References

Karren, K. J., Smith, N. L., & Gordon, K. J. (2014). Mind Body Health. Glenview, IL: Pearson Education.

Teper, R., Segal, Z. V., & Inzlicht, M. (2013). Inside the mindful mind: How mindfulness enhances emotion regulation through improvements in executive control. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 22, 449-454.

Williams, M., Teasdale, J., Segal, Z., & Kabat-Zinn, J. (2007). The Mindful Way Through Depression. New York, NY: Guilford.

Posted in Insights from Positive Psychology, Mindful Leader, Spiritual Practice, Writing | Tagged challenges, depression, mindfulness, stress | Comments Off

The Challenge is Us

Posted on October 20, 2014 by writeherewritenow

“That is world peace. Only do it. Only do it.” Zen Master Seung Sahn

Some weeks ago I received a call from Rita. She is an old friend who, for many years, refused to date or go out with anybody. I understood her heartbreak. Her first marriage has been a nightmare. It was a relationship based on manipulations, emotional abuse, and tremendous shame and guilt.

A Family Shelter During the Rain--They Were Rescued by Boat

The loneliness of Challenges

I felt bad for Rita because I know deep down in her heart she longed for a relationship, for trust and a family. But it was a tremendous challenge for her to even go out with the intentionality of meeting someone. She told me she would get so nervous, just thinking about it, she would feel paralyzed. “Thinking” was definitely her challenge. I remembered Zen Master Seung Sahn teaching’s on “just do it.” When you realize that our “challenge” is created by our minds or our hearts, then it is easy to see where the healing starts. If we make a problem, then there is a problem. If we don’t make anything, then you are free to act, to just do it.

My friend Rita, a few weeks ago, was able to date again. She was able to remove the hindrance so her heart and mind were free. Then she just did it. Try this:

• Take a few minutes to release any tensions and come back to your center.

• As you are breathing in, ask yourself, “What is the challenge, this resistance I am sensing right now?” Now invite the challenge, let it be next to you, and talk to you like an old friend.

• After listening and seeing clear what is the hindrance, breathe out all the tension and communicate your gratitude for the new insight.

• When you are ready, open your eyes. Write down your new insights about the nature of your challenge and the steps you will take to remove the obstacles toward transformation.

Peace,

Juan

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The Quiet Side of Courage

Posted on September 22, 2014 by writeherewritenow

“You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.”
Eleanor Roosevelt

What is courage? Does it mean daring to climb Mt. Everest¸ risking your life for a cause, standing against the forces of oppression? These are the public faces of courage: heroes we admire like Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela, Aung San Suu Kyi.

But courage has a quieter side: overcoming our personal fears to live our ideals. Eleanor Roosevelt had this kind of courage.

She grew up in a dysfunctional family. Her mother rejected and ridiculed her. Her father was an unstable alcoholic. Both parents died by the time she was 10, so she went to live with her strict maternal grandmother and two alcoholic uncles. Yet she found a mentor in a wise teacher who recognized her strengths. Throughout her life, Eleanor Roosevelt struggled against adversity and painful shyness, developing a compassionate heart and reaching out to others. She worked in settlement houses, helping impoverished children. When her husband contracted polio, she helped support his political career. During the Depression, the New Deal, and World War II, Eleanor Roosevelt traveled when her husband was less able to, reaching out to others at home and abroad, becoming a valued political advisor. All the while, she maintained her own personal vocation: writing and working ardently for social justice. After Franklin Roosevelt’s death, she became the first chair of the United Nations Human Rights Commission, drafting the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.

Courage, she realized, was not the absence of fear, but a lifelong process of facing our fears and overcoming them. “You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face,” she said. “You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.”

One of the universal character strengths common to humankind (Peterson & Seligman, 2004), courage helps us bridge the gap between our actions and our ideals. For me it means the power to change—the inner strength to overcome a deeply-ingrained dysfunctional pattern, resolve a longstanding inner conflict, or break free of a toxic relationship. It means the ability to live life on our own terms, refusing to surrender to circumstance¸ declaring our spiritual independence.

This September, as the leaves turn red and gold, take a moment to reflect on an area of your life you’d like to change.

Close your eyes and take a deep, slow breath, feeling yourself becoming more relaxed and centered.
• Then see yourself confronting the situation and facing the challenge of change.
• Feel the fear, the uncertainty and anxiety.
• Ask yourself ‘What’s really going on?’ ‘What am I afraid of?’
• If facing this fear triggers a longstanding trauma from the past, you may need support from a wise friend, spiritual teacher, or counselor.
• If this is the case, plan to get that support as your first step.
• Then visualize yourself moving forward: see yourself leaving the old pattern of darkness to embrace greater light
• Feel the light of peace, love, and joy surround you.
• Then open your eyes and write down what you experienced, making plans to take the next step on the path.

Namaste,

Diane

References

Eleanor Roosevelt quote from http://womenshistory.about.com/cs/quotes/a/qu_e_roosevelt.htm
Peterson, C. & Seligman, M. E. P. (2004). Character strengths and virtues: A handbook and classification. New York: Oxford University Press.

Posted in Contemplative Leader, Insights from Positive Psychology, Mindful Leader, Spiritual Activism, Spiritual Practice, Writing | Tagged courage, Eleanor Roosevelt, fear | Comments Off

The Courage To Be

Posted on September 9, 2014 by writeherewritenow

“Fearlessness is the first requisite of spirituality. Cowards can never be moral.” Mahatma Gandhi

The first time I went to a meditation retreat, I was horrified by the schedule. In traditional Zen retreats, meditation starts at 5:00am and continues all day until 9:30pm. The retreats are two, three or seven days long and are held in silence. The schedule each day consists of long hours of practice (bowing, chanting, sitting and walking), work and rest periods, and vegetarian meals eaten in traditional temple style. Nevertheless, I was also fascinated to learn that in the Korean tradition, the name for those retreats is Yong Maeng Jong Jins (YMJJ), which is translated as “to leap like a tiger while sitting.”

The idea is that, moment by moment, you return to the here and now. And in order to do this, you leap like a tiger. Over and over again, practicing the fearlessness of a tiger, no matter what, you keep coming back to the present moment. Courage does not mean lack of fear. Courage is the practice of fearlessness, just doing it, even in the midst of discomfort or difficulty. Moment by moment, you are encouraged to leap like a tiger, to keep coming back to your situation, to the here and now, no matter what. I call this, the courage to be.

Every moment is new, and every moment requires courage. As we enter the Fall season, you will experience new beginnings, transformations and fears. Try this:

• Take a few minutes to release any tensions and come back to your center.
• As you are breathing in, ask yourself, “What is this fear, this resistance I am sensing right now?”
• How does it feel in your body? Is that fear trying to give you a message?
• Now see yourself inviting and listening to the fear, letting be next to you, like an old friend.
• After listening and feeling the fear in your body, breathe out all the tension and communicate your gratitude for the message.
• When you are ready, open your eyes, and write your new insights about the nature of your fears.
Peace,

Juan

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What are you really afraid of?

Posted on August 25, 2014 by writeherewritenow

Near the end of the Purgatorio in the Divine Comedy, Dante faces a wall of fire standing between him and a vision of Paradise. At first, he shrinks back in fear but then, realizing that his beloved Beatrice is on the other side, he bravely walks through the flames, emerging unharmed.

How often do we face a wall of fear when we approach a much-desired goal? We can shrink back, feeling anxious, overwhelmed, unworthy.

I faced the wall this summer when I began writing my new book. I’d been doing research for years, collecting files of notes and references. But with my concentration undermined by chronic family problems, I had lost my clarity, my confidence. In my writing process, each new book takes shape as I follow an overarching vision that guides me to new insights and discoveries. But this time, the vision was obscured by continual interruptions, demands, and distractions. The best I could do was to read and take notes.

Yet the longer I postponed writing, the more my confidence waned. As the demon of self-doubt hissed in my ear with accusations of unworthiness, the book project loomed like a mountain, distant and formidable.

This must be what happened years ago to a friend I’ll call James. In my first year of grad school at UCLA¸ James seemed the epitome of confidence. While I was nervous, the first member of my family to graduate from college, wondering if I could make it, he entered UCLA with a Master’s degree, already doing research for his doctoral dissertation. But something happened. As my other friends and I moved forward, completing our classes, comprehensive exams, and dissertations, somehow James got stuck. Over 20 years later, long after I’d gotten my Ph.D. and a tenured faculty position, he has still not finished his dissertation. For a long time, I could not understand it. But now I realize that like Dante, like many of us, he must have faced that wall of fear.

What helped Dante through, what helps us all through, is love, the only force greater than fear. Dante knew that Beatrice was waiting for him on the other side. I regained my initial inspiration and love for the Renaissance, giving me new momentum to move forward.
And as Dante discovered, once we walk through the wall of fear, it becomes a golden curtain, revealing greater clarity, greater discernment of our destiny.

Have you confronted a wall of fear standing between you and a much-desired goal? If so, what did you do about it? What did you learn?

If you’re facing this wall now, try this short meditation:
• Take a few moments in a quiet place to close your eyes.
• Take a deep breath and release it.
• Repeat this step, releasing any tension, feeling yourself come back to center
• Now breathe in love, the deep love that nurtures, inspires, and motivates you.
• Feel yourself surrounded by the golden light of love.
• Ask yourself “What is one small step I can take now?”
• See yourself taking that step: What does it look like? Feel like?
• Now see yourself stepping through a golden curtain and embracing your goal.
• Breathe in the joy of that feeling, the deep sense of gratitude.
• When you are ready, open your eyes.
• And take the next step, moving toward the light.

Namaste,

Diane

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Clear and Open

Posted on August 7, 2014 by writeherewritenow

“But if our mind is all clouded with desire, anger, and ignorance, we are part of the problem and we are just increasing the suffering of the world.”–Zen master Bon Soeng

Two weeks ago I felt a little bit of pressure of my left ear. It became pain a few days later and, at the end of the week, my ear was ringing. It was disturbing to see how uncomfortable and irritable I felt. Even listening to music was torture. My interactions with the world were interrupted by a constant ringing and pain that made every moment a constant struggle.

Our minds are crowded with anxiety and fear

When I went to see the doctor, he checked my inner ear, smiled, and laughed. “Don’t worry, it is just wax.” The warm water, and the cleaning process brought great relief to my ear. One hour later, I could hear again, and my experience of things became open and clear.

How about your mind? Is it clouded with desire and anger, or anxiety and fear? How do you clean up your mind? How do you clean up your heart, so you can become open and clear?

Try this exercise:

-Sit for a few minutes in silence, breathing in and out, and just simply paying attention to your thoughts, feelings, emotions and physical sensations.

-Notice which ones keep coming up over and over again. That is the filter you bring to the world. Notice your reactions to your thinking, the way the layers of thinking, emotions and physical reactions prevent you from seeing What Is in that moment.

-Develop the strength to stay with your mind, to stay in the breathing in and out, in that moment. You don’t want to repress anything but don’t be attach to it either. Just simply give yourself permission to be.

-After a few minutes of meditation, write or reflect on your experience. What insights did you get while watching your mind? What did you find in there that might prevent you from leaving your life, open and clear?

Namaste,

Juan

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Clarity in the Garden: The Gift of Insight

Posted on August 1, 2014 by writeherewritenow

“And this our life, exempt from public haunt,
Finds tongues in trees, books in the running brooks,
Sermons in stones, and good in everything.”

Shakespeare, As You Like It, 2.1.15—17

With all the superficial tasks of work and daily living, it’s sometimes hard to find clarity, to gain insight about the direction of our lives.

This week I learned a new practice in my meditation class: an exercise in clarity developed by Joanna Rogers Macy.

It’s simple, really. You go out into nature—which could be as close as your back yard—and walk around slowly until you’re drawn to something: perhaps a rock, a plant, a bird on a branch, a flower. Then pause to reflect on its symbolic meaning: the lesson it offers about your strengths: one you were born with, one you gained through hardship, and one you will bring forward in your life.

While working to landscape a neglected corner of my garden, I noticed the small pine tree languishing in a pot. I’d brought it here years ago from the patio in my old condominium. I’d meant to transplant it, but it had gotten lost among the overgrown ferns and shrubs. This summer, I found it when I cleared out the overgrown corner. Remarkably, the little pine tree had lived through years of neglect, although constricted and pot-bound. Yesterday, it was the first plant I planted in my beautiful new corner garden.

I felt a deep sense of relief as I eased the pine tree out of its pot, spread its roots, and set it into the ground, covering it with layers of soft earth and compost, then watering it well. Later I reflected on the lesson. The plant was born with vital strength: the potential to grow. It had endured, suffered through years of constricted conditions, demonstrating the strength of perseverance. Now, released to new freedom, it could flourish, realizing its full potential.

I smiled as I recognized the parallel, seeing the new freedom and potential in this time of my life.

You can try this meditative exercise for yourself.

Walk slowly out in nature until you feel drawn to something there.
Then reflect on what it represents:

One strength you were born with,
One strength you’ve gained through hardship,
One strength you can realize in this new season of your life.

Embrace this new insight and write it down.

Namaste,

Diane

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Write Here Write Now

The Compassionate Mind

First Tune Your Instrument

Life is Always Changing

How Do You Deal with Challenge?

The Challenge is Us

The Quiet Side of Courage

The Courage To Be

What are you really afraid of?

Clear and Open

Clarity in the Garden: The Gift of Insight

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