When I was leading retreats in Central America, there was a simple meditation that always got results. As I was asking the participants to face each other without touching, breathing gently, and consciously, I asked them to be fully present, to be open to the mystery of the life of the person in front of them.
It was an unsettling, silent meditation that always showed them something they hadn’t known before. It was startling at first, but soon we all realized how much we need each other, how our relationships with others help us to grow healthier and better.
Now in the midst of the pandemic, do you miss being in the presence of your best friends? Or your co-workers? Do you miss smiling and being connected to others without the fear of the infection?
We normally stop at the threshold of ourselves and others, and we don’t dare to step out or in. We’re afraid of the limitless power we contain when we live in relationship with others, the treasures waiting for us on the other side of our fears.
What do you think you will learn from this experience of the pandemic? When this is over, will you expand the horizons of your ‘self’? Are you willing to embrace love, live your life authentically, being open, every moment, to the experience of being fully in a relationship with others? What would you like to change in your relationships with others when the crisis is over?
Try This Meditation:
Take your time and breathe mindfully for a few minutes. As you do that, ask yourself, “how are you today?” Do a gentle scanning of your mind, body and heart. Listen to the voices inside of you. Then ask yourself, “what do you need?” Be honest. Look inside of you. You might need to reach out for a deeper connection with others. Maybe you need to hear the voice of a family member or you might need a conversation with your best friend. Ask yourself, “when this crisis is over, what did you learn?” Are you growing in wisdom? What are your priorities now?
This week, wild roses are blooming in my back yard. Unlike hybrid tea roses, these roses bloom only once a year. And this year, their bright blossoms are all the more precious.
Like the wild rose, life brings us surprises, some welcome, some not. For the past few weeks, people all over the world have been suffering from fear and uncertainty, experiencing the challenge of COVID-19. The virus has brought much suffering and loss, as well as mental health challenges since lockdowns and closures have narrowed our lives. Schools, workplaces, restaurants, theatres, and local shops have closed, familiar routines have been disrupted by lockdowns and social distancing, and each day’s news brings frightening statistics as we worry about how to stay safe.
Cut off from our normal routines, family and friends, there is so much we cannot do. Yet although we cannot go out as we used to, what we can do is go within. In this period of enforced monasticism, we can take the time to read, reflect, and get to know ourselves on a deeper level. Here are two simple but powerful practices to help you find greater hope.
Gratitude. In troubled times, we can become overwhelmed by worry, constantly ruminating on our problems. Psychologist Robert Emmons has found that when facing adversity, gratitude can bring us greater peace of mind and help expand our perspective, (Emmons, 2016). Research has shown that spending time each day to count our blessings, to focus on what we’re grateful for can improve our physical and emotional health (Emmons, 2008; Hill et al, 2013; Petrocchi & Couyoumdjian, 2016).
At the end of each day, think of three things you’re thankful for. You may choose to record these reflections in a gratitude journal.
Pause for a moment in the midst of the day to focus on something you’re grateful for. For example, you might smile at someone you love, enjoy the playful antics of a kitten or puppy, or appreciate nature’s artistry in the songs of birds, the beauty of a sunset, or the fragrance of roses in your garden (Emmons, 2008; Carroll, 2017).
Nonviolent Communication. We can find greater peace of mind by applying psychologist Marshall Rosenberg’s nonviolent communication (2005) to ourselves, asking ourselves how we feel and what we need. My friend Juan Velasco and I have been showing people how to do this in our retreats and workshops, now offered online.
To open
the way to greater hope, you can take a slow mindful breath, then slowly exhale
and keep breathing slowly and deeply as you ask yourself these three questions:
“How do I feel?”—”Am I calm, relaxed, anxious, confused, worried, tired, hurt, disappointed, sad, lonely, excited, happy”—or something else? Whatever you feel, just recognize and label the feeling without judging yourself.
“What do I need?” Our needs can range from food, rest, and security to emotional needs for love, acceptance, understanding, joy, play, creativity, inspiration, and meaning. What do you need right now?
“What are my options?” As you become more mindful, instead of merely reacting, you will notice more options, more possibilities. As you consider your options, choose the one that feels right for you.
In this
time of challenge and change, may new hope blossom in your heart like the wild
rose.
Namaste,
Diane
References
Carroll,
K. (2017). A moment’s pause for gratitude. Carlsbad, CA:
Balboa Press.
Emmons,
R. A. (2008). Thanks: How practicing gratitude can make you happier. New
York, NY: Houghton Mifflin;
Emmons,
R. A. (2016). The little book of
gratitude. New York, NY: Hachette Book Group.
Hill, P.
L., Allemand, M., & Roberts, B. W. (2013). Examining the pathways between
gratitude and self-rated physical health across adulthood. Personality
and individual differences, 54(1), 92-96.
Petrocchi,
N., & Couyoumdjian, A. (2016). The impact of gratitude on depression and
anxiety: the mediating role of criticizing, attacking, and reassuring the
self. Self and Identity, 15(2), 191-205.
Rosenberg,
M. B. (2005). Nonviolent communication: A language of life. Encinitas,
CA: Puddle Dancer Press.
A couple of weeks ago I learned that my sister in law was sick with Corona Virus. When I talked to my brother, I realized there was three different layers to the crisis.
In order to build resilience in troubled times, we had to tackle physical health, mental health and spiritual health . The 3C’s will help you to practice resilience in troubled times:
Contemplatives in Action: Schedule quiet time everyday so you can restore your balance in the midst of intensive work. Integrate your meditation, prayers, yoga, going for a walk in nature, etc during that time. Use mindfulness and discernment to develop clarity. What are your feelings? What are your needs?
Companions through Community: Social distancing does not mean isolation. Reach out to family, friends and community. There is collective wisdom in our community. We can all benefit from that.
Compassion and Our Mission : We can transform adversity into learning and growth. Apply compassion when dealing with co-workers and students. Self-compassion might be a challenge. We would like to have total control of this situation but this might be an opportunity to build tolerance and patience. Last but not least, compassion extend to the poor, to the marginalized and the Global South. Social justice is part of our mission. Be mindful of those marginalized and the working poor.
Use the three C’s to build resilience and hope in difficult times.
Juan Velasco
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The Tao Te Ching tells us that “the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” And that’s how we will get through this Covid-19 Coronavirus crisis.
Not so long ago, we had busy schedules with plans, work projects, deadlines, appointments, meetings with friends, and familiar routines. Then everything changed.
A fearful invisible threat entered our lives. Now we are told to stay home, shelter in place, work remotely, and go out only for essential activities. Schools, restaurants, theaters, gyms, and local shops are closed. Sporting events are cancelled and all our plans are gone. What was predictable and familiar is no more.
We’ve entered an empty space of waiting and uncertainty, frightening
statistics on the news, and rumors on social media. Many of us feel lost and
alone.
We venture out to the grocery store to find that shelves are bare, looted by people desperately hoarding toilet paper, paper towels, and essential food supplies. Overcome with fear, some of our neighbors have become compulsive hoarders.
Those of us who’ve become successful by setting goals, planning, and persevering need to learn new skills of patience, flexibility, and self-compassion. Setting our intention, we can learn to live more mindfully in the present moment. Aware of what is happening around us, we can listen to our hearts, our inner guidance to reveal the next step, taking one step at a time.
To be present with the process now, take a moment now to:
Take a long, deep breath and slowly release it.
Close your eyes as you focus on your heart, slowly breathing in and out.
Ask “How am I feeling?” and name the feeling. Is it fear, worry, frustration, restlessness, loneliness, or something else?
Then ask yourself, “What do I need?”
Put your hand on your heart, focusing on your breathing as you see yourself taking one small step to meet your need.
Then gently open your eyes.
As you practice this process, taking one step at a time, the path before you will open up. And together we will get through this challenging time. For as the Tao Te Ching says,
“The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”
What is this fear? Why do we go to reactivity so easily in times of turmoil instead of reaching out for creative alternatives?
Through breathing, you can find inner calm. Through mindfulness, you can take refuge in the present moment and act with clarity and wisdom.
Try this meditation:
Take a few minutes to breathe in and breathe out. Listen deeply to yourself. “How are you today?” Breathing in, breathing out, scan your mind, your thoughts. Openly and sincerely listen to the voices inside of you. If fear is there, with love and compassion ask yourself: “What do you need?” Be aware of the needs inside of you. You might need to reach out for help. Maybe you need to hear the voice of a family member or a conversation with your best friend. Or simply go for a walk. Instead of being reactive, choose to be creative. Compassion includes your “self.” Moment by moment, provide moments of nurturing freedom. Trust your wisdom as you engage your fear with creativity and humor. Moment by moment, offer yourself compassion, understanding, wisdom.
Peace,
Juan Velasco
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At the library, a man in his thirties with mental health issues was shouting in anger. “Breaker! Breaker! Breaker!”
The same shouting continued as he was being escorted out by security, and even outside the library, he continued shouting his anger. At times he pointed his finger and looked angrily at the world. “Bang! Bang! Bang!” After a few moments of discernment, I was not afraid anymore. I noticed he was battling with the negative voices inside his head. His only mode of communication with himself was negative thoughts: “Breaker! Breaker! Breaker!”
What voices do you hear?
I breathed in and out compassion for the man with mental health issues, knowing how much pain and suffering he carried with him at all times. I also wondered about the voices shouting inside our heads and how we react to those.
As your day moves along, are you aware of the voices inside of you? What do they say? Are they whispering self-deprecating messages, shouting in anger? As the day ends, what do you carry with you into your dreams? Are those voices affecting your sleep, your relationships, your sense of well being? Are you aware of those thoughts and emotions that blurry your sense of reality, distort perceptions and your view of the world?
Try This Meditation:
Take a few minutes to breathe in and breathe out. Listen to yourself. “How are you today?” Breathing in, breathing out, scan your mind, your thoughts. Openly and sincerely listen to the voices inside of you. With love and compassion ask yourself: “What do you need?” Moment by moment, be aware of the voice inside of you. Compassion for all beings includes your “self.” Moment by moment, provide compassion. Trust your wisdom as you engage those voices in dialogue. Moment by moment, offer compassion, understanding, love.
The Tao moves by returning in endless cycles. Tao Te Ching, Chapter 40
The Tao Te Ching echoes nature’s cycles of growth and renewal. Each winter, the vibrant autumn leaves fall from the birch and maple trees, leaving their bare branches reaching for the sky. The nights are long, darkness falls early, and in many parts of the country animals hibernate. Winter is a season to go within, a time of contemplation to prepare for a new springtime of growth and renewal.
In our western industrialized culture, we can easily forget nature’s cycles. With electric lights, the Internet, and 24/7 connectivity, we are pressured and pushed to be always “on,” to multitask, to rush from one thing to another in a frantic pace that is both unnatural and unsustainable.
Nature’s changing seasons affirm the cyclical wisdom of Tao. In January, I prune the rosebushes in my northern California garden to reinforce them for winter dormancy. Pruning encourages new growth and leaves the center open, giving the roses room to breathe. In order to flourish, rose bushes need a period of dormancy to promote new growth and abundant blossoms in the spring.
As you enter this season in your life, could you benefit from pruning away unhelpful attitudes and emotional states to make room for new possibilities? If so, here are some ways to begin:
Stop Worrying and Complaining. Incessant worry and complaining can lead to a downward spiral of hopelessness, anxiety, and depression. The next time you find yourself facing a problem:
Ask yourself, “What can I do about it?”
If you can do something, take positive action.
If you can’t solve the problem, reach out to get help. Find someone who can.
And remember to treat yourself with compassion
Release Envy and
Resentment.
These negative states can poison your mind, draining your energy
and even undermining your health.
If you find yourself envying someone else’s
accomplishments, tell yourself, “That’s great that ____ did that. I can fulfill
my dreams too.”
Closely associated with envy is gossip. It’s
amazing how much time we can spend talking about others, usually unfavorably.
Make it a point not to talk about
other people’s business. When someone tries to engage you in gossip, change the
subject.
Release resentment. Whenever you feel an old
hurt or disappointment, label your feelings (“hurt,” “angry,” “disappointed”),
then express compassion for yourself, treating yourself as you would a dear
friend. Take a deep breath, release it, and return to the present moment.
Release Feelings of
Inadequacy.
Whenever you feel inadequate, stop comparing yourself to others. Remind yourself that you are a unique human
being with your own talents, strengths, and destiny. Take a slow, deep breath
and release it. Continuing to breathe slowly and deeply, put your hand on your
heart and say to yourself:
May I be filled with loving kindness
May I be safe
May I be well
May I be peaceful and at ease
May I be happy.
The loving kindness meditation is a simple but powerful way to
overcome any negative emotional state. First ask yourself “How am I feeling?” Next send loving kindness to yourself, and then
ask “What do I need?”
Since there is a lot of suffering in our world these days, why not share this compassionate practice with others? You can extend loving kindness to the people in your life (“may [name] be filled with loving kindness. . .”), to your country, and to this beautiful planet we call home.
I went to visit my very ill friend in L.A. She is struggling with a terminal illness that will lead to its inevitable conclusion, but a few friends asked me eagerly afterward, the same question on their lips. “What does she need?” As I look at her in subsequent visits, I realize how easy it is for me to offer her what she needs the most—compassion and non-violent communication, the kind of love in speech and actions that reminds her of her true self.
What do you need?
I fly back and forth and I wonder if my friend’s illness is a wake-up call. Do I show the same kind of tenderness towards my self? Do I practice love and non-violent communication when I talk to myself? I often ask of my dear ones these two questions: “How are you feeling?” “What do you need?” But I have a hard time remembering to do that for myself. Nevertheless, some of my happiest moments have been in those moments when I have felt the energy of loving-kindness flowing in and out of me like a free wind. I wonder what it will take to apply compassion to myself as I do with others. How do we come to realize that love and non-violent communication needs to include ourselves?
Try This Meditation:
Breathe in and breathe out. Ask yourself. “How are you feeling?” Breathing in, breathing out, scan your body, mind, and heart. Openly and with sincerity offering love and self-compassion to yourself. “What do you need?” Moment by moment, keep a mind clear like the sky. Compassion for all beings includes your “self.” Moment by moment, trust your wisdom. Compassion and love for all beings include you. Just do it.
Juan
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As a young man I looked for God in books, going through theories and theologies, searching for the architect of the universe, guessing the designs of the one creator who was all powerful. As I went deeper into my practice, I noticed that the manifestations of the spirit were more subtle, more mysterious than a simple explanation or design.
In my hiking adventures I saw the interactions of wind and birds as signs of a sacred rhythm; while doing El Camino in Spain, I understood the power of walking while letting go; in El Salvador I discovered communion as we shared pupusas with the poor. As I grew older I paid more attention to those moments of connectedness as the infallible signs of the mystery. Maybe the interactions with other beings creates the fabric that reveals the many faces of God. By paying attention to every moment, we can see the manifestations, the many forms the sacred can take.
Do you see God in relationship with others? Do you see all beings as separate or in connection with each other? Do you share the same love that created us?
Try This Meditation:
Moment by moment, who is in front of you?
Do you see another face of God?
Breathing in and out, focus on the heart.
Here and now, breathe. With clarity, open the heart to understanding and helping all beings.
Namaste,
Juan Velasco
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For years you try to get to that place you dream of. Professionally, emotionally, physically, your plans weigh on you and your sense of belonging depends on the achievement of those goals. You try over and over again to get there, life does not seem right without your next goal. But this desire to achieve never ends. When you get what you wanted, you see something else in the horizon.
Doing not-doing
I’m sitting at the park and I watch the birds flying, the flowers carefully facing the sun, the wind moving back and forth, and I sense a different motivation, a different rhythm. I wonder if there is a place from within from which we can set forward ‘naturally’ into action. Athletes and dancers know of being ‘in the zone.’ Finding your natural rhythm allows you to achieve your dreams without attachments, your abilities flourish and develop to achieve results almost effortlessly. Spiritual wisdom traditions from the East call that natural effort ‘doing not-doing.’
Are you trying too hard, burdened by attachments? Are your abilities compromised by the lack of intuitive rhythm? How do you arrive at effortless action?
Try This Meditation:
Breathe in and out mindfully. Moment by moment, notice. What kind of resistance is stopping you from achieving your dreams? Look at your struggle. Do you have any attachments? Is the fear of the future getting in your way? Moment by moment, keep a mind clear like a mirror. Moment by moment, without attachments to results, just do it.
