Whenever I lead a retreat, I encourage participants to keep a journal. Autobiographical writing is part of our spiritual practice, and through our reflections of the past we can arrive to powerful moments of realization. Lindsay, one of the participants in my last retreat, was reluctant to write or to sit with the issue that kept coming up for her–her difficult relationship with her mother. She wanted to use the retreat to face up to that relationship but she was afraid of what the sitting would reveal about her life.
As the retreat progressed, however, she wrote many entries about a lonely child who was missing love and acceptance. Her fears were transforming as she realized the child she was writing about was herself. During the sittings, walking meditation and journal writing she was able to honor and see with clarity her need for compassion and love, and the entanglement that was causing with her mother.
The last day of the retreat, Lindsay, one of the most courageous participants in the retreat, revealed that by facing her own pain, she had been able to see more clearly that her mother would not be able to provide what she needed it, and the realization helped her to release the anger against her mother. Her insights were heartfelt, authentic, and I admired her courage to let go.
Try this for a few minutes:
- Close your eyes, sit with your back straight, and focus on your breathing.
- As you are breathing in, be aware of your breathing in. As you are breathing out, be aware of your breathing out.
- When your mind wanders, watch your mind, notice what is in there, and what keeps coming up for you over and over again. Without judgment, just simply contemplate your thoughts as if they were small boats flowing down the river.
- As you take more time with the breathing in and out, try to keep a mind and open like the sky. Be welcoming and compassionate.
- At the end of your meditation period, write it down. Write without thinking, release everything you noticed; intentionally, write from your heart, and let it go as it becomes something else in the journal entry.
- Noticing and releasing can be a daily practice. When you are done, go for a walk, breathe and smile.
Juan