I get the phone call and my mother’s voice sounds strained. She is trying not to get too much attention to herself, but I can tell the exhaustion is already winning. For years, she has been taking care of my father and his complicated illness, and now the care-taking is overwhelming her.
I ask her to get help, to get somebody else in the house so she can free a little bit of time for herself. But she is reluctant to do this. Taking care of herself, enjoying free time with your friends while your spouse is seriously ill, goes against the core of how she was trained to be in this world. Women, especially, are expected to sacrifice themselves.
My mother’s life has been harsh to say the least, but she is naturally a happy woman, filled with witticisms and humor, and I would like her to see that we can both fulfill our expectations but also enjoy the moments of joy around us. She struggles, because in my small family sometimes generous love can turned easily into self-harm, and there is no clear distinctions between one and the other. We all struggle with those boundaries.
In your own life, do you feel guilty when you turn from caring for others into self-caring? Do you balance your acts of generosity and love toward others with those that show care for yourself? Do you listen to the voice of exhaustion when it is telling you it’s time to rest?
Try this meditation:
- As you breathe mindfully, in and out, assess as objectively as possible your sense of self in the moment. Evaluate whether or not you have been pushing yourself too hard.
- Be open to what is. Stay present without judging whether or not other priorities have been more important in your life until now.
- Your journey is not shaped by sacrifice but by love. Your journey is defined by your ability to stay balanced as you provide life.
- Moment by moment, see when you can find some stillness, and self-care. Open your heart to the wisdom of rest. See it through your days as you move through life in the world.
Peace,
Juan