“This is what should be done by one who is skilled in goodness and who knows the path of peace: Let them be able and upright, straightforward and gentle in speech, humble and not conceited, contented and easily satisfied.” Metta Sutta
I have known Robert for years; in fact, since I moved to the Silicon Valley in the year 2ooo. Robert is the manager of a small business in the area and works really hard to make his business a viable tool for others in a very competitive environment. He is generous and well intentioned. It is difficult, however, to watch my friend communicating with his co-workers.
In meetings, his sense of humor ends up hurting others or creating an environment of self-deprecating gossip. He is not clear about his goals for meetings and perceives most of the comments he receives from others as attacks. He is not only defensive but often his reactivity leads him to say things that damage the morale of the people working around him. After many years of observing him, I am convinced that his lack of success is not for lack of talent or hard work. I believe that all these years his main stumbling block has been his inability to communicate and inspire others.
One of the main aspects of Buddhist practice is right speech. This practice involves taking responsibility for what you say, how you say it and when you say it. Words can destroy or build confidence in others. Words can create more war or contribute to peace. Words can provide creative leadership or humiliate and oppress the people around us. Right speech also involves deep listening. If you are not able to listen attentively, you will not be able to respond to the needs of your co-workers, your family, your friends or your relationships.
The practice of a clear mind can help us see the situation in front of us, perceive the relationship, and realize the correct words to say in that moment. A good leader, whether in the context of family, job environment or relationships, will focus on this intention very carefully before phrasing his/her opinions.
Let’s try this exercise:
- Sit with your back straight, and focus on your breathing.
- As you are breathing in, say to yourself: clear mind, clear mind, clear mind. As you are breathing out, you can say to yourself, don’t know focusing on a long exhalation. Don’t know means don’t hold on to anything, keep a mind clear and open like the sky.
- Visualize a moment when you noticed a situation of right or wrong speech. Lovingly watch that moment in your mind. Notice the power of words and the way it affected your relationship with that person. Watch it without judgment and just simply notice how it could’ve been different, and the consequences of a different form of speech.
- At the end of your meditation period, write down your insights. Write in your journal noticing the power of language to shape the reality of your mind.
- When you are done, breathe and smile.
Peace,
Juan