Snow covered the ground as I walked to the Kansas Zen Center for my first encounter with Zen master Hae Kwang. As I entered the small room, the warm air washed over me like a wave. Seated on a black cushion, Hae Kwang smiled invitingly. He was wearing gray robes and there was a small bell to his right and a cup of warm tea to his left. I walked to the cushion in front of me and took my seat.
“Welcome!” he said.
“Thank you,” I replied.
“Any questions?” he asked.
I wanted to impress him. Collecting my thoughts and (what I thought) was the brain power of my two PhDs, I asked my first question:
“I have read a lot of books about Zen meditation but my question to you is, what is Zen?” I said. I was ready for a lengthy debate on the issue. Hae Kwan looked at me with a sense of urgency as if the next statement was a matter of life and death.
“What are you doing right now?” he asked, his eyes filled with intense concentration.
I stammered, my jaws dropped, and for what seemed an endless amount of time I couldn’t say anything. I was trying to think about the books I had read. He waited for my answer for a few more seconds but I knew I was running out of time.
“Aha!” said Hae Kwang after a few seconds went by. He rang the bell. The interview was over. “Come back,” he said with a smile.
I found myself back in the snow a few seconds later. What had happened? Did I do something wrong? What kind of answer was that? As I was leaving the Zen center I realized that he had given me a great gift—the question was the answer. I laughed. I had felt truly present and alive during our 30 second exchange.
When I started practicing ten years ago, I was in a very difficult situation. I had just moved to Lawrence, had no permanent job, no friends, and I had never been in the Midwest before. After leaving my friends at UCLA, I felt like I was in a state of exile. The Roshi’s message came at the right time. What am I doing in my life right now? What is this new situation? I asked myself, realizing its deeper meaning.
So now, take a deep breath and ask yourself, “What am I doing right now?” Smile as you touch the essence of Zen.
Juan