As I was slowly descending into madness and trying to find the bleach bottle my roommate and I have for our laundry while I was finishing the final draft of my essay on Sunday night, I began to wonder if I could have chosen an easier article to argue about. This is how I stumbled upon Douglas Gantenbein’s article “Smoke and Mirrors”, a three page report of steaming shit that makes you think “God this guy is an asshole.”
Gantenbein’s objective is to prove to the audience that firefighters are not heroes. I know right. Yeah these selfish bastards go breaking through burning buildings like an arsonous Kool-Aid man just to get a good laugh out of it. One of Douglas’s brilliant claims is that firefighting isn’t that dangerous. He says that since only about four hundred firefighters die every year, their jobs aren’t that risky and therefore they should not be deemed heroes. Oh yeah I agree, running through carbon monoxide rooms to help people in danger while a house/building is slowly collapsing on you is not life threatening at all and is actually quite a fun experience. For Christ sake the guy even says pizza delivery drivers have a more dangerous job than firefighters. His most infuriating claim however was that firefighters are just adrenalin junkies who only do their job just for the thrill of the action. Seriously check this man into a mental hospital ASAP. Sure some of them enjoy the rush they get when they’re on a call, but they did not sign up for the job just so that they can get their quick fix. These people have a desire to protect their community and they are willing to sacrifice their lives to save others. Someone please lock Douglas Gantenbein up immediately.