Month: October 2017

As I was slowly descending into madness and trying to find the bleach bottle my roommate and I have for our laundry while I was finishing the final draft of my essay on Sunday night, I began to wonder if I could have chosen an easier article to argue about. This is how I stumbled upon Douglas Gantenbein’s article “Smoke and Mirrors”, a three page report of steaming shit that makes you think “God this guy is an asshole.”

Gantenbein’s objective is to prove to the audience that firefighters are not heroes. I know right. Yeah these selfish bastards go breaking through burning buildings like an arsonous Kool-Aid man just to get a good laugh out of it. One of Douglas’s brilliant claims is that firefighting isn’t that dangerous. He says that since only about four hundred firefighters die every year, their jobs aren’t that risky and therefore they should not be deemed heroes. Oh yeah I agree, running through carbon monoxide rooms to help people in danger while a house/building is slowly collapsing on you is not life threatening at all and is actually quite a fun experience. For Christ sake the guy even says pizza delivery drivers have a more dangerous job than firefighters. His most infuriating claim however was that firefighters are just adrenalin junkies who only do their job just for the thrill of the action. Seriously check this man into a mental hospital ASAP. Sure some of them enjoy the rush they get when they’re on a call, but they did not sign up for the job just so that they can get their quick fix. These people have a desire to protect their community and they are willing to sacrifice their lives to save others. Someone please lock Douglas Gantenbein up immediately.

King Arthur, perhaps the most renowned knight in history. The noble king who ruled over all the Britains and feared nothing, except flying killer bunnies. The 1975 classic “Monty Python and the Holy Grail” retells the story of King Arthur and his legendary Knights of the Round Table but with a comedic twist. Arthur starts out alone as the only knight, only accompanied by his trusty sidekick (and horse galloping noise maker guy) Patsy to search for worthy knights to join him on his quest for the Holy Grail. He represents his community because he is Arthur, King of the Britains, even if the citizens don’t know who a Britain is or if they didn’t vote for Arthur to be king.

A learning process for Arthur along his journey comes when he encounters a castle of Frenchmen. As the French taunt and bully the knights, Arthur must thinkof a way to out smart them and gain access to the castle. They construct a giant wooden rabbit and deliver it to the French as a gift (like Troy), but once inside the castle the knights will spring out of the rabbit and defeat them. Even though the plan doesn’t work, Arthur gains some valuable knowledge from his defeat.

The best example of Arthur being able to rely on his own physical and moral courage is when he realizes he can only defeat his greatest enemy, a flying killer bunny, with the help of the Holy Spirit. Instead of being enlightened through prayer, Arthur is blessed with something even greater, the Holy Hand Grenade. He pullethed the pin and counted to three before heaving the grenade towards the bunny and dispatching his foe.

Although quirky, this movie is able to follow a knight’s journey perfectly while also breathing new life into the Legend of King Arthur.

As the story of Matt from Minnesoda is finally being told in Claradise, he is not the first to make the journey from the Land of 10,000 Lakes to the Valley of Silicon. This is the story of Erik the Norwegian.

As far back as Erik could remember, he loved to play some puck. He was a large boy whose “Knuckle puck” shot was feared across the Twin Cities. He loved to sled down the big hill in Duluth, and his mother would have a nice cup of hot cocoa waiting for him inside. In the summer when he couldn’t shoot clap bombs or snipe the twine, Erik would fish for bass, hit up the local DQ, and go tubing at his cabin up north. Whenever he would play the NHL video game with his buds, he always thought the San Jose Sharks had a neat logo, so naturally he chose to come to Santa Clara. Unsure his journey, Erik’s dad Clark reassured him he had the strength to do it, as he reminded him that he came from a long line of powerful lumberjacks. His first few days in Claradise were brutal as there was no rink or skiing lodge for miles. He approached these challenges by buying rollerblades so he could still grind and work on his craft. His crisis came when he discovered most Californians don’t listen to Prince or that they order a “soda” with their burger and not a pop. However, Erik was able to find his treasure, the club hockey team. As a result, he was able to enjoy a bit of his old life while also learning new things from his California pals. After returning to his homeland after his freshman year, when asked by his mates if he liked California, he responded with a resounding “You betcha, bro”.