The melody of my alarm clock sounded far too early for my liking. I rolled out of bed, pulled on brightly colored leggings and a patterned kurta, my usual attire in India, and Kathryn and I set out from our apartment onto the already muggy streets. After struggling to find a taxi that would take us the short distance to St. Paul’s Cathedral and paying what we knew to be far too much for the brief ride, we arrived at 7:30am for the only mass in English at the church. We were two of approximately twelve people total in the side room where the service was held, including the priest and the readers! The mass was short, not even 45 minutes long, but I felt eyes on me the whole time. When mass was over, it was raining outside, we could not find a single cab to take us the 3 miles home, a stranger tried to help us but then just left us to fend for ourselves, and eventually we had to pay a cabbie double the price we had paid earlier that morning in order to get home. However, “vale le pena,” a phrase I learned studying abroad in El Salvador the year before: it was worth it.
St. Paul’s Cathedral
As Kathryn and I sat back in that expensive cab ride home, we talked about how we had been missing church, community, and reminders of why we were even in India in the first place. For me, I believe in a good God who has entrusted us to “bring His Kingdom,” as they say in the Christian church. In other words, to strive to make the world a little more like what God intended it to be: to learn from others, work towards love, and right the injustices that plague our world. All I can do is my little part. This greater purpose motivated by God’s ultimate love is what makes the hard times, the learning experiences, the challenges, the exciting adventures, and the interactions worth it. I learned that it is important for me to carry these truths with me as I move forward through each phase of life and as I strive to do my part to bring these changes. I have always been driven by my hope in a loving God, but my experience in India reminded me of the emptiness actions seem to have if they do not point to someone beside myself. Our visit to St. Paul’s Cathedral was a good active reminder of this faith I strive to carry with me.
A plaque at Mother Teresa’s tomb in Kolkata
As I move into the next time period of my life, to some extent I get to choose what I think my part in bringing love to our world is. What a privilege to have this choice! While many around the world are trapped by their surroundings, I am presented with a range of opportunities. While this fact sickens me a bit, I carry with me the stories of the people I have met and seek to honor them and the love God has shown me with the choices I make next. I have come to define my vocation as: where the cries of the world meet the joys of my heart. Over the past year, I have had a closer view of some of these cries, outside the borders of the United States. Specifically, I have had two significant international experiences getting to know and working with marginalized women in the handicraft sector. I have learned more about cultural and structural barriers limiting women’s opportunities, the need for further education and investment in women, and my own passion for women’s empowerment.
Women learning to use the computer for the first time
As I move into the next stage of my life, I hope to spend some time working in Central America alongside women. I take joy in practicing Spanish and improving my communication skills in another language. I have seen a very small portion of the needs and potential for change from the experiences I’ve had in El Salvador and Nicaragua. Now, I hope to spend more time delving into community development, working with women by partnering with a locally owned and run organization, whether it be a social enterprise introducing innovative solutions or a consistent, longstanding nonprofit.
This fellowship has reminded me how much more I have to learn and grow personally. When it was easy for me to be frustrated or grumpy in India, I struggled with my own reactions to challenging situations, not with the situations themselves. As I move forward, I know I will learn even more about myself, what gives me life, how to live, how to love, and about the people around me.
Me on a volcano in El Salvador
“Nothing is more practical than finding God, that is, falling in love in a quite absolute and finite way. What are you are in love with, what seizes your imagination, it will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the morning, what you will do with your evenings, how you will spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your heart and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. Fall in love. Stay in love. And it will decide everything.”
-Pedro Arrupe, SJ
“Let us not tire of preaching love, it is the force that will overcome the world. Love must win out; it is the only thing that can.”
-Romero