Does being a woman change the definition of success?
Well, it shouldn’t. But Western society disagrees with me.
As society portrays it, success for a man is being financially well off in order to provide for his family. But for a woman, success mainly revolves around raising a family while also being financially accomplished, having a college degree, looking young and beautiful, maintaining a social life, excelling in cleaning and cooking, attending PTA meetings… the list goes on. But in short, it’s the expectation for a woman to be able to carry out all these tasks with ease while also caring for a family.
But let’s see what Anne-Marie Slaughter, a former professor and director of policy planning for the U.S. State Department, has to say about this. In her essay, “Why Women Still Can’t Have It All,” Slaughter shares her experience of working in D.C. and how it was difficult to balance both her job and her role as a mother. She concluded that:
“‘[Women] can have it all’ is simply airbrushing reality” (680).
Society has placed an unfair expectation for young women of my generation to be powerful leaders while simultaneously caring for a family and “having it all.”
However, there is also a contradictory social expectation that women shouldn’t even be involved in business and that they should just be homemakers.
But didn’t we just establish that success for a woman meant also being financially successful while raising a family? Seems like society will never be satisfied with women.
Sheryl Sandburg, the current chief operating officer of Facebook, explains in her essay, “Lean In: What Would You Do If You Weren’t Afraid?” that:
“female accomplishments come at a cost…there is still societal pressure for women to keep an eye on marriage from a young age” (648).
And Slaughter also recalls how her parents
“emphasized marriage even more [than academic achievement]” and how they explained to her that “the most eligible women marry young to get a ‘good man’ before they are all taken” (680).
Both Slaughter and Sandburg observed that women need to sacrifice certain aspects of their life in order to be successful in another aspect. To put it in another way, both Slaughter and Sandburg are establishing that success for a woman is nearly impossible to reach because of societal gender roles. For instance, society has established that earning a college degree is a definition of success that both men and women should try to attain. However, there is also the societal expectation on women should carry the responsibility of raising the family, which forces women to choose between her education/career and her family. Women can’t have both; women can’t “have it all.”
So, the real questions you should be asking are:
Why is success different for a man versus for a woman? Why can’t women do what they want? Why does success for a woman always revolve around family? Why does success for a woman mean handling everything all at once?
So many questions, and they all share a common answer:
Our patriarchal society is at fault.
Success can be anything and gender should not play a role in determining what success looks like. However, it is clear from Slaughter’s quote that success is not a gender-neutral term because of the expectation placed on women to raise the family. This brings us into the discussion of feminism.
Some say that women are oppressing themselves and that feminism is a delusional movement. Others say that feminism has become a movement of hating men. But do anti-feminists realize that our societal standards for success, beauty, happiness, and normality are generally determined by straight, older white males.
But what is it really?
Buzzfeed, an internet media based company that shares viral news and other enjoyable themes to viewers, made a short documentary about the definition of feminism.
The video features a both men and women of diverse backgrounds sharing their own definitions of feminism and why they are all feminists.
In short, feminism is not a “man hating” movement that tries to make men feel inferior, but rather it is about treating women and men equally in all aspects of life by overcoming gender roles predetermined by society.
I admit that it is difficult to notice gender roles immediately because they are accepted by society and are considered the norm. However, this does not mean that gender roles are nonexistent. Gender roles exist. And for me personally, as both a woman and a person of color, I am judged by both gender roles and stereotypes. The stereotype and labels placed on me as an Asian woman are: quiet and reserved, good at math, pretty in an “exotic way,” raised by tiger parents, small eyes and straight black hair, can’t drive, stingy… The list goes on. But to sum it up, since I am an Asian woman isn’t the “norm” in western society, I am unfairly judged by these stereotypes and am therefore expected to act a certain way. Why should I be placed into a “box” when I am more than a stereotype?
Although these problems cannot be solved overnight, there are ways to fight against the patriarchy and gradually bring it down.
The first step would be to recognize gender roles placed on both men and women. Think about the double standards, and most importantly, don’t be afraid to question society. For instance, the idea of “gender roles” did not strike me until my junior year of high school when I was given a “dress code violation” for wearing a tank top to school because it was distracting to my peers. It was hot; who was offended/distracted by my shoulders?! There were plenty of boys in my class wearing muscle tanks and beaters. Why didn’t they get dress coded? Because they are boys and it is “okay” for boys to show skin.
The next step would be to become an ally for all women and transgender women of all races by supporting them when they speak out against societal norms. By being an ally and supporting one another, everyone is united. It is difficult to fight against something alone. I recall a time in my Cultures and Ideas: Musical Inspiration class when a white male student was talking about police brutality. He was explaining to the class how music helped African Americans through many difficult times throughout American history and went on to say how in today’s society, “those people,” (African Americans) should learn to be more respectful towards police officers. I strongly disliked how he labeled African Americans and also disagreed with what he said, but I stopped myself from arguing with him because I didn’t know if anyone else agreed with me. I also didn’t want to be seen as “another angry woman,” who is immediately discredited for being “too emotional.”
The fight doesn’t end and probably never will, but that doesn’t mean we should give up fighting for our rights and equality for all.
Works Cited
Sandberg, Sheryl. “Lean In: What Would You Do If You Weren’t Afraid?” They Say/I Say: The Moves That Matter in Academic Writing. Ed. Cathy Birkenstein. Ed. Russel K. Durst. New York: W.W. Norton & Company, Inc, 2015. 642-658. Print.
Slaughter, Anne-Marie. “Why Women Still Can’t Have It All.” They Say/I Say: The Moves That Matter in Academic Writing. Ed. Cathy Birkenstein. Ed. Russel K. Durst. New York: W.W. Norton & Company, Inc, 2015. 676-696. Print.
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