With the year coming to a close and only a couple weeks until we’re all out of here, I’d like to formally write out everything that’s been going on in my mind. I’ve done a lot of reflecting on my first year here at SCU and thought it would be cool to share my experiences.
1. Move-in Day
I’m not going to pretend I wasn’t nervous. Hell, I was lowkey shaking when I got my access card. After making my way over to Graham I moved in and saw my roommate (we’d met before). She had a couple friends helping her move in and I felt so out of place. New experiences ja feel? There was some welcome reception for parents too so not knowing what else to do I kind of just went there and had this sudden moment of despair when I thought nothing was going to work out and my SCU career was going to suck.
2. Week 1
Looking back I’m lucky. So lucky to have found a group of friends so quickly where we all clicked. Though we all have unique personalities it somehow stuck really well. Though I no longer felt as out of place everything was still really new. I think I went home after week 1. I said I’d forgotten some stuff (which I did) but at the same time I really was just craving something familiar. What’s weird is its almost harder going home and coming back to school than just staying at school. You can’t help but feeling like you’ll be missing out on something if you stay home too long, so naturally I visited home less.
3. Independence
I suddenly found the true value of being alone, not lonely. I loved hanging out and having deep conversations, making connections with those around me, but I also learned much more about myself. By forcing myself to take walks, read, write, and vegetate on my own, I began to get a better analysis on the type of person I was, and who I truly wanted to be. In these “hermit” modes, I found solace with two of my closest friends at the time (K and H) and together we talked on existential crisis’s and on self love and on regret and on moving on. I’ve never talked about my feelings so much before HAHA.
4. Late runs
I started spending a lot of time with my workout buddy, one of my best friends, and we spent many post-workout nights articulating our thoughts on perspective. M is from Chicago, I’ve pretty much grown up here. We ended up at the same institution yet took vastly different life paths. Yet despite our differences, we’re so close. Even today. It’s the little things that allow us to show appreciation. Often overlooked, I really do cherish the moments of downtime where we really just hang out together.
5. Clubs
Barkada and Santa Clara Consulting are the two clubs where I’ve invested time in. Others have come and gone, but these two are staying for a longggg time. Many of my close friends were picked up from here. There’s so much I could say about these two organizations but ima save it for another time.
6. All Emotions are Default
In high school I used to think I had my life together. Generally, things went pretty well. Looking back, what I was truly lacking was the spirit of being more in-tune with my own emotions. I don’t usually express my feelings too much on the outside, but inside there’s a million things going on in my mind. There are days where I just can’t feel “good”, where I have to grit my teeth and push through the challenges. That saying “you can’t get much done in life if you only work on the days where you feel good” really applies on days like these. But there’s nothing wrong with not always being happy. IN fact, that’s a terrible way of living and it scares me that some people still strive for it in a fake or unhealthy way.
Conclusion
Life is HARD! And it’s ok! College is about transition and change, learning and loving, as well as learning to find balance. There are many more things I could reflect on but these are all I have so far.
**Writing out these experiences has been difficult. Even here on this blog, even though I’m trying to be real, I’m still making a conscious effort to sound cooler than I appear. I guess that just goes to further show the effect of social media within today’s society. Anyhow, I’m glad I could write this summary up. It’s always good to do a little more expression than one is normally used to.